I moved here with my family 14 months ago. I am married for 12 years and i have a 10 year old daughter. This town is called Lesbianville. Never met so many lesbians as here. My daughter has a friend who has two lesbian moms, my colleague had a 16 year old niece who was staying with her because she came out from New Jersey to “come out here”.
So all her lesbian friends would hang out at the house. I learned a lot about the lesbian community that I would have never known. There are at least half a dozen businesses downtown that are run by lesbian women. I am 100% straight. I’ve never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.
I am 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourglass shaped attractive brunette. I have very large breasts and i do have a big butt. I don’t intend to dress in any particular ‘way’ for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don’t ‘ask’ for anything. I don’t ask to be groped. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. I am always on high heels and full make up on.
If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don’t wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me.
Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks – something I have no control over. I can’t help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.
My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was ‘too short’ or ‘too tight’, or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There’s always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out.
I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I’ve been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear – when really, it was a short, skinny old women I should have feared.
Since we moved here in “Lesbianville” every time I go out without my husband I always have problems with women touching me, rubbing my back, bumping into me , touching my breasts, grabbing my butt, or bumping into my breasts. Women always approach me wanting to make small talk but it always seems like its more than that.
I could be walking in a store and they entire area could be clear and women bump into me. They stare until it becomes uncomfortable. I could be standing by myself and the entire area would be clear and a woman would come and stand so close to me. I am not a homophobic , but this shit is becoming annoying. Its not the feminine, taller, younger lesbians either they don’t bother me, its the really short, ugly, creepy, masculine, older lesbians that do this shit.
Whats going on? Short , old, creepy, masculine lesbian women gravitate toward me like fruit flies on a banana AND THEY ALL WANT TO TOUCH. Almost no one ever asks, either. It is bizarre because i am 5ft10 tall,curvy and always on high heels standing next to these lesbian gropers i look like a giant. About six months ago I went to a bday party for my friends daughter and as soon as I arrived, one short skinny masculine old woman commented that my breasts are large.
Then she reached out and grabbed my boobs with her both hands to see how they feel. I was so shocked I was speechless! A month ago I was at a restaurant restroom and these two short skinny old ugly butch women walked up to me and complimented my boobs and without even asking, they reached out and touched my boobs and giggled about how massive and soft they are and how they liked them. What on earth?! And just the other night, some 60-something short woman grabbed a big handful too.
Also there is this short tiny 54 year old ginger ugly lesbian at the book club who kept jiggling or squishing my breasts and rubbing and slapping my butt. The first time I was shocked and she joked about it, the times after that I started to get annoyed. The last time she touched my boobs I said quite loudly “STOP TOUCHING MY BOOBS!!” “
Needless to say she didn’t touch my boobs or butt again after that. Older, short, masculine, creepy lesbians like touching me for some reason. I don’t know how to stop it. I usually just feel like a deer in headlights. Over the past 14 months since we moved here I have gotten groped way too many times by random women.
My breasts have been grabbed numerous times in jest by short masculine older lesbian women. I don’t dress slutty at all. My boobs are very large though and I do have a big butt.I am 5ft10 tall and always on high heels.
I’m confident that I look good in my clothes my style is “sexy but classy” I don’t believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.
I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way. I have noticed that at times I apologize for the size of my boobs. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. There are dresses that I can never wear because, while on someone with smaller breasts it would look ok, on me it looks vulgar.
This issue of vulgarity isn’t something that I would have necessarily impressed upon myself, but rather the reaction that I get from people. I would love to wear strappy dresses with little triangle cups! I would love to wear certain shirts and blouses without something underneath for the sake of modesty (well, someone else’s idea of modesty not necessarily my own). The truth is I regulate a lot of what I wear so that people won’t take it as an invitation to touch, stare, or speak to or about my breasts or ass.
I tower over plenty of men and women. I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. I prefer to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. As i said because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me.That’s just who I am. I love dressing up, I’ve tried dressing down, but I always end up changing.
My clothes are there to be worn! People always ask me why I’m so dressed up. I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, i’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous – i said i was going shopping and she was like “really?
You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, i’d rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.
I have had old masculine lesbians grope me and talk to me about random things in the bathroom many times. They are worst than the men, they stare so much. i’m not homophobic at all.
The reality we are in an era where women are getting just as aggressive if not more than men. They see it as not as harmful because they are the same sex.
I don’t know. anything that’s harassment when a man does it is still harassment when a woman does it. That doesn’t change just because it’s coming from a different source.
In my experience masculine weird short lesbians can be especially aggressive. I think that our culture kind of gives them a pass, since homosexuality between women isn’t nearly as taboo and a lot of women can get away with being pretty handsy with each other. I don’t know why older short lesbians always think they can grab my boobs or slap my ass and invade my personal space like that.
They think it’s ok to slap my ass or squeeze my breasts, they’re just probably even more bold because they think they can get away with doing something like that more than than men can. I’ve never had men do anything like that.
I’m not homophobic. And why are that type of lesbians always drawn to me? My friend thinks that because i am always dressed up in shiny satin and silk clothes always on high heels tall and curvy i am radiant and touchoable to them .My friend thinks that because i am tall curvy always dressed up in classy shiny silk and satin clothes on high heels full make up looking like stuck up and arrogant snob they just like to humiliate me.
I don’t get it though. I really don’t think that I am sending out that vibe at all..There is this 5ft3 59year old skinny masculine lesbian neighbor she is always touching me. She is very touchy feely. She likes to caress satin fabric and would place her hands on me at any occasion. Im a straight woman, i love men, simple! I am straight and I am completely 100 percent straight. So why are creepy older short masculine lesbians always approaching me and touching me and groping me?Why is this happening to me?what could be the possible reasons?
After reading, it’s pretty clear why… But I’m sure you didn’t really need an answer…
Same reason creepy ugly men probably are attracted to you too; only difference is in this climate, they are afraid to let on since they don’t want to be brought up on charges.
NOw I’m thinking that men are so shut down they can’t even say hi, while the liberal new wave thinking people who don’t earn respect feel they have it because they are different…SO, troll type bull dykes have become the older type versions of men that used to exist back in a time when women’s rights or feelings mattered because they felt entitled to. Like a20-80’s movie exec, or before the #metoo movement, really… feelings take over logic and you get linebackers in dresses yelling at kids in video stores because they feel entitled to be called women when they are a man. I’m for equality for all, but some people don;t seem to want it, they want to be the domination ones for once, who don’t take into account others… Kinda like it’s their turn now… Who knows
Add to that you moved to an area where that behavior is accepted, so maybe they just assume you are like them . Again, this new culture in places that this goes unchecked, is a possible explanation as to why they are so brazen.
I Maybe over reacting but really It comes down to respect really, not selfishness. They don’t know you, so they shouldn’t just assume you are OK since they are… Since they are a “loud and proud” bull dyke doesn’t mean that’s OK.. Because you live in dykesylvania doesn’t mean you are like tem. But maybe and issue can be partly because people are afraid to tell them since they are the minority that is judged upon, and how dare anyone tell them … blah blah blah…
If I were you I’d take care of myself… Tell these people it’s not OK… Trust me, if they are as creepy as you say, they have been turned down before, and fuck their feelings anyway… They obviously don;t care about yours. put them in check. Gay, straight man or woman, if you don;t like it tell them to fuck off… If they get angry, you should rub your boobs in front of them and laugh.
Stella 1977 Say
Thanks so much for your reply. I agree with you. You are totally right. The things lesbian women do if men did would land them in jail instantly. Lesbian women will grab, touch and make sexual gestures without even knowing a woman. BY FAR lesbians are more aggressive because THEY KNOW THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT. I kinda feel like a weirdo for not losing my shit on these short creepy old women gropers.
I always laugh uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation as possible when these short older creepy women are touching me and groping me. I think the reason why this reaction might be so prevalent is that i shy away from asserting myself, even when it comes to defending myself against such action, because i am wary of being labeled as a shrew, a bitch, or a homophobic upper middle class snob. So i try to be polite and as unaggressive as possible. I laugh, to prove that i am easy going, and i apologize or refrain from demanding an apology and make excuses to show that i am graceful. It is hard to speak up when you’re feeling so shocked.
What’s happening to me?
I don’t understand it. I am completely the opposite to a homophobe… but i am literally 100% straight. I don’t know what to do? I am tired of laughing it off AND I am tired of apologizing, as if it is my fault that these lesbians can’t control themselfs. The point is, it is not okay to violate anyone’s privacy–especially in such a physical way–regardless of the circumstances. It is not okay to makes someone doubt themselves because of your own lack of propriety. (I do begin to question myself from time to time. Is there something about me that makes them think their behavior is ok? Is it something about my face? Do I give off “grope me” vibes to these short older masculine weird women?) Also I can’t talk to my husband about this because he is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me.
There are some people where assertiveness comes easy. I’m with you. Being assertive is a learned practice and while it’s good for everyone involved since it set boundaries, it feels wrong because setting boundaries can be uncomfortable. What I’ve learned (and am still trying to learn, is that we all need to take care of ourselves so My suggestion to you would be to make yourself comfortable… in the end, you only see these ogres a few times in your day… You live with yourself 24/7 365… It sounds as if it really bothers you. Trust me, it’s like a band aid… you’ll be uncomfortable for a second but will feel better about yourself.
You trying to figure out why they are so brazen, ultimately screws yourself since you can’t figure out other people, but I’m wondering if somehow you take blame because you how how you are handling it isn’t. It’s not your fault. I was told I wouldn’t say shit if I had a mouth full of it, so I empathize… There are other’s where this is second nature.
I think you may be falling victim of the fear of being labeled. I’ve noticed you mentioned a few times that you are not homophobic, but are straight. You don;t need to defend your feelings. This is a matter of personal space and respect. Some people would tell these bitches off but again, I understand your wish not to hurt other’s feelings…
Plus, if you live in that area, it’ll be hard if you get a reputation…But there is a difference in confrontational agressiveness and positive assertiveness… And if they don;t get it it’s because they don’t want to. too bad for them, and I say they deserve the resentment they put on themselves. I know lesbians like that too… some of them put truck drivers to shame…
But that’s a non-issue. Doesn;t matter if you are gay or straight. Respect is respect. Treat them how you would treat anyone normal (because we are all normal, right). I think you are worried because of the stigma that the LGBTQ community presents as victims with less rights…
You may be giving up your rights so as not to infringe on theirs… but it’s not their right to grope you if you don’t want it, regardless of how you look. They probably all look like mini Jabba the hutts, so they see you and go crazy… Just like incel men who are afraid to talk to men… Don’t put so much emphasis on their preference or gender… put the emphasis on what you want… If that makes sense.
agree 100%. You pretty much acknowledge that you are pushing it off to avoid a conflict, but it’ll eventually eat you up inside then you’ll explode…
Not good either… My ex-was like that in a way too. Let’s say you have an encounter and you get groped and he sees it, you laugh it off and I can see him asking why you didn’t stop it… That’ll be a nice fight. He won’t understand that you are just trying to keep the peace with them, but you’ll get no peace yourself. Some of that is normal since i know how guys are, and if you look the way you do I’m sure that’s what he’s thinking… I’m not sure he’s aware that these lesbos are more aggressive than men…
Stella 1977 Say
YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT. I am being taken advantage of by short,masculine,old, creepy lesbians right and left.I hate this crap!!!I have a real problem with this.I’m way too passive. Why do short,mature,masculine lesbians always grab my butt or my boobs?
Why do you think short,ugly,old,masculine lesbians think it’s ok to touch me and grope me? Can someone please tell me why short,mature,masculine lesbians seem to be always touching, fondling and groping me?Am I really so touchable? I’m like a lesbian magnet for some reason. Why is that? I don’t really get why this is.
I had considered that maybe I had done something wrong that encouraged or sent some kind of message to short masculine older lesbians that it was okay to touch me or grab my breasts and ass. I often run into short masculine older lesbians who feel the need to reach out and touch me.It is always masculine short older ugly women. Never taller younger lesbians.
I am 5ft10 tall, well endowed, curvy and always on high heels.Standing next to these homosexual older women gropers i look like a giant.I am physically stronger than them. Why are they not intimidated by me?
Alot of people ( heterosexual females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I’m a not stuck on myself at all.I’m the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I get lots of compliments and guys often flirt with me. I’ve always received a ton of attention from men without even seeking it out at all.
But guys never grope me or touch me without my consent. Another thing that rarely gets talked about: female on female sexual assault and rape. I would just like to believe that not all homosexual short masculine women are as awful as my experiences with them have been. Our culture portrays them all as the victims and men as the oppressors.
I don’t wear anything vulgar. I dress in mainly tight satin and silk fashionable clothing. Always on high heels.Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable.
I am dressing like this since i graduated college .It is my whole wardrobe.Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style. I wear satin and silk clothes that fit me properly, I get too much attention and looks from men and I feel like the other women judge me. I tend to wear my clothes fitted. I am describing myself because i want you to understand the complexity of my situation.
I suppose I’m asking the question as to whether I give off subconsicous “please come take advantage of me” signals to short older masculine lesbians.Heterosexual women are saying to me that i look very serious, arrogant, and stuck up. See, a part of the problem is I am tall,curvy and attractive upper middle class heterosexual happily married woman and mother so we aren’t supposed to have problems like this. People think like wow life should be great for you when it’s not.
Stella 1977 Say
There is this 5ft3 tall 59year old skinny masculine creepy green eyes thin lips gray haired wrinkled face lesbian who lives in the house next door. She is constantly outside in her front yard.It is impossible to avoid her.Every time i am coming home from work she is approaching me and touching me.She is always hugging me tight.Pressing her face on my breasts.She is a a squeeze hugger that lasts too long in a vice grip.She is saying that she likes to stroke shiny satin fabric.She always links arms with me and walks leaning into me.
I HATE IT!Sometimes she is holding me from behind with her hands on my waist.She is extremely touchy. She always find a way to be near me like she standing in front of me my boobs touching her face.She touches and messes with my hair, holds my hand (interlocking fingers). She isn’t a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable. Any time I’m even within arm’s reach of her, I feel her caressing me.
She is always constantly patting my lower back and touching my hair.She is always hugging me around my waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.She also always place her hand on my ass when i stand beside her.
Also because she is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is “accidentally”coping a feel of my butt. She is always placing her hands on my upper chest while facing me. Usually it happens on the driveway. This woman my next door neighbor waits for me to come home from work on every work day. She never touches me in front of my husband.
So yesterday i followed your advice. Yesterday I arrived home home from work and my neighbor was there on the driveway. I got out of my car and this woman my touchy feely neighbor walked up to me, placed her both hands on my upper chest and started rubbing in circular motions and said “I love your blouse. It’s just that i can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric ” ( I was wearing a purple long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top).
I was very flustered and i said to her gently “I’m sorry, I have a thing with personal space.”I explained to her that it is making me uncomfortable that i understand she is friendly and tactile, and i see her as a friendly neighbor but i feel a little uncomfortable when she touches me. She started breathing heavily and her eyes began to water quite heavy, then the tears started to flow. She broke down. I mean sobbing everywhere.
I was in shock really. I wasn’t expecting it. So basically, she was just crying standing in front of me, i tried to talk to her ..but she was just crying really badly,, i didn’t know what to do, i was just thinking … let her cry …it feels better to let it out? I now started to feel my tears welling up — I’m such a softy that way. I now started to cry and reached out to hug her. She held tight.
So here we were, hugging and crying on the driveway. She told me that she appreciated me calling her out and she said that she is touchy feely with friends only and that she is an extroverted, touchy-feely, huggy person. She said that because i am much taller than her, the hugs make her feel very secure and cared for. It was really awkward.I’m bad at comforting people. I pulled away from the hug. She just walked away defeated, and apparently was crying on her porch. So I finally did what it took to drive her annoying ass away from me.
Problem is, after her crying and sobbing afterwards, I cant help but feel a little bit guilty.
So was I in the wrong? If so, how should I have handled the situation?