The Joke Thread

[LZA]

Why shouldn't a dentist marry a manicurist?

They'll always be fighting tooth and nail

[wildcard]

I'm a huge fan of theatrical arts like poetry, music, and choreography.

You know — the ode, song, and dance.

[wildcard]

I'm tired of 1080p. Come January, I'm getting a 4K TV

It will be a new year's resolution.

[LZA]

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data and the other is a hardware standard.

- From Reddit

[wildcard]

[wildcard]

I wondered why my German friend never had lint in his belly button.

Then I remembered that he has an Audi.

[wildcard]

My brain is damaged from excessive masturbation and now I can't do it anymore.

I'm all out of whack.

[LZA]

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”

The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”

[wildcard]

I was hoping my wife would let me try out a new toy on her, only to discover that she was just finishing up with her dildo and vibrator, as I walked in.

So, I left her to her own devices. 🤷‍♂️