I finished high school with a 3.5. My teachers all promised me a better future away from my parents who had been over baring to the point that my high school knew about it. I had colleges sending me things in the mail and emails. I even got phone calls asking me to come for visits and tours. I thought it would be simple. Go to college and do better then my sister who was going to prison at the time.
Then I finally got to college. Met my roommates, took my classes, and gained more then the dreaded freshman 15. After a while, I could barely do the school work. Everything felt boring. My body felt too heavy to get out of bed or do my homework. I struggled to pass something I would have not even thought about in high school.
Then suddenly my mom says she's moving out of state and I can go with her. Then my girlfriend says she could go with me and we can work together to get a place of our own. This sounds like a pipe dream. Too good to be true.
I find myself laying at night thinking about my future options. Should I get a job? Take online classes? Do both? I don't want to fail at adulthood but I feel like every option I think of my dad is disappointed. He wants me to go off to college, get straight A's and have an easy life. I just don't know how to do that. The thought of going back to how it was before at college is depressing. I would rather end it all now and not have to think about a future at all. But that would be weak of me, and I have tried so hard not to be weak.
At the moment I have a dream to open an art website. Selling my paintings and drawings and letting other people sell their stuff on my website too. But its so hard to sell art when now you can just steal it off of google image.
I know I probably sounds like a whiny baby, but I don't know what to do or if this is normal.
Then I finally got to college. Met my roommates, took my classes, and gained more then the dreaded freshman 15. After a while, I could barely do the school work. Everything felt boring. My body felt too heavy to get out of bed or do my homework. I struggled to pass something I would have not even thought about in high school.
Then suddenly my mom says she's moving out of state and I can go with her. Then my girlfriend says she could go with me and we can work together to get a place of our own. This sounds like a pipe dream. Too good to be true.
I find myself laying at night thinking about my future options. Should I get a job? Take online classes? Do both? I don't want to fail at adulthood but I feel like every option I think of my dad is disappointed. He wants me to go off to college, get straight A's and have an easy life. I just don't know how to do that. The thought of going back to how it was before at college is depressing. I would rather end it all now and not have to think about a future at all. But that would be weak of me, and I have tried so hard not to be weak.
At the moment I have a dream to open an art website. Selling my paintings and drawings and letting other people sell their stuff on my website too. But its so hard to sell art when now you can just steal it off of google image.
I know I probably sounds like a whiny baby, but I don't know what to do or if this is normal.
