01-28-2014, 09:48 AM
My roommate and I have been best friends since day one of college. It was always her, me, and another girl. A year and a half ago, we decided to move in together since I was moving out from my dorm and living alone could get a little lonely. But ever since then, I feel like she changed. I mean yes, I understand that change is natural and a good thing, but in this case, I feel like she's become super dependent and insecure while being self-centered, with a really bad case of superiority complex. Frankly, I feel like her pushy bitch now.
Where to start…
We are both from the US (our families are still back home), but we came abroad for college, so its sometimes really hard for us, considering the cultural differences, mostly when it comes to socializing. My roommate's had this bad. She's never really been the type who's aware, so she misses a lot of things, like social cues, even when its pretty loud and clear. Before, this never really bothered her, so she was just the cool kid who didn't really give a damn, but now, she does. I guess it was ok to be somewhat a lone wolf freshman year, but not if it lasts until junior year. Now, she complains how she doesn't have any friends and keeps me up at night crying about this. So I try to invite her to hang with my friends. Wrong idea. Even though I was the one who invited her to MY friends, she walked and talked as if they were hers and pushed me aside. They were a little weirded out.
Another instance of her dependency,insecurity and jealousy manifesting, was when we went to hookah together, she got drunk and started talking to the people next to us. I like her when she's drunk, because she doesn't whine, or be a debbie downer, or complain and compare. She just gets loud and happy. So thats how i thought this night was going to turn out. Basically, thats what happened, except terribly. She always talks about how much she doesn't care about what people think or much about others, being the strong woman she is (ironic how she always complains to me how she doesn't like that she can't get along with people and that she thinks people think of her as the weird kid to push aside…) but i guess she doesn't think about what i think or much about me either. She basically turned her back against me like literally, on our night we had planned to catch up over hookah, and started talking--shouting---(shes loud) with these people next to us. In the end, they loved her for being drunk and crazy and hated me for being quiet and kind of hurt. She complained to me that night how I was being the downer of the night, and that her behavior was something I always did to her. Just because she got the attention more than I did, doesn't mean that I should be jealous, apparently. just unbelievable. A. I would never do that to my friends with a stranger B. I was hurt that she would choose to spend time with these random people instead, even though I had blown off my boyfriend for this "catching up" and C. I could careless if she got the attention or not. I'd actually be happy if she got the attention, since she keeps me up on test nights how nobody sees her or cares about her, or how she's such a loner. (ahem. arnt I up with you until 4am listening to you complain? am i "nobody"?)
EIther way, I got a chance to run into these guys again, and they turned out to think that I was OK, so they invited me to come to their party, but did not invite my roommate, given that she was not there and that the host did not know her. And commence the jealousy. Again, she complains that I have friends and that she doesn't, then accuses me that they were her friends first. I told her that she should come too, and that the invitation was just basically luck, that I ran into them, became friends with the host, and so on. On the day of the party, we all had dinner together, but she could not get in, since she wasn't on the guest list which was finalized the day i was asked. We were planning to go clubbing after, so I told her that I will meet her somewhere once the dinner was over which was maybe around 10pm. I told her to get some alcohol before meeting me, so she could be at the same drunk level as us. She called me at 10pm and I told her that none of us is leaving yet. Then she started yelling at me. She complained how it was 10 and how she doesn't understand why I can't come out and have drinks with her. I told her how I paid 40 bucks for the all you can eat dinner/drinks and that I was going to get her as soon as we all started moving. But she just got pissed off at me while I was super drunk, just because she couldn't bare the thought of waiting or running to some cafe to drink just one drink alone. So I went to pick her up and joined her to the group, which was welcoming since i had talked to them about her earlier so that she wont be a complete stranger when she arrived. And obviously, she just goes off with this fresh feel of attention and goes about it as if she owns the place.
This: her weird insecurity, dependency, and feeling of superiority is really annoying me these days… its pretty bad.
I have a lot more to rant, but this is it for now.
I think she needs to find some friends, but I think I need to be more independent too. I shouldn't feel bad for her or feel obligated to her. Like I know that it was my choice in the end to stay up with her to listen to her the night before the test, and so on, but its just hard sometimes because I want to be a good friend, but I can't let her drag me down with her too.
Where to start…
We are both from the US (our families are still back home), but we came abroad for college, so its sometimes really hard for us, considering the cultural differences, mostly when it comes to socializing. My roommate's had this bad. She's never really been the type who's aware, so she misses a lot of things, like social cues, even when its pretty loud and clear. Before, this never really bothered her, so she was just the cool kid who didn't really give a damn, but now, she does. I guess it was ok to be somewhat a lone wolf freshman year, but not if it lasts until junior year. Now, she complains how she doesn't have any friends and keeps me up at night crying about this. So I try to invite her to hang with my friends. Wrong idea. Even though I was the one who invited her to MY friends, she walked and talked as if they were hers and pushed me aside. They were a little weirded out.
Another instance of her dependency,insecurity and jealousy manifesting, was when we went to hookah together, she got drunk and started talking to the people next to us. I like her when she's drunk, because she doesn't whine, or be a debbie downer, or complain and compare. She just gets loud and happy. So thats how i thought this night was going to turn out. Basically, thats what happened, except terribly. She always talks about how much she doesn't care about what people think or much about others, being the strong woman she is (ironic how she always complains to me how she doesn't like that she can't get along with people and that she thinks people think of her as the weird kid to push aside…) but i guess she doesn't think about what i think or much about me either. She basically turned her back against me like literally, on our night we had planned to catch up over hookah, and started talking--shouting---(shes loud) with these people next to us. In the end, they loved her for being drunk and crazy and hated me for being quiet and kind of hurt. She complained to me that night how I was being the downer of the night, and that her behavior was something I always did to her. Just because she got the attention more than I did, doesn't mean that I should be jealous, apparently. just unbelievable. A. I would never do that to my friends with a stranger B. I was hurt that she would choose to spend time with these random people instead, even though I had blown off my boyfriend for this "catching up" and C. I could careless if she got the attention or not. I'd actually be happy if she got the attention, since she keeps me up on test nights how nobody sees her or cares about her, or how she's such a loner. (ahem. arnt I up with you until 4am listening to you complain? am i "nobody"?)
EIther way, I got a chance to run into these guys again, and they turned out to think that I was OK, so they invited me to come to their party, but did not invite my roommate, given that she was not there and that the host did not know her. And commence the jealousy. Again, she complains that I have friends and that she doesn't, then accuses me that they were her friends first. I told her that she should come too, and that the invitation was just basically luck, that I ran into them, became friends with the host, and so on. On the day of the party, we all had dinner together, but she could not get in, since she wasn't on the guest list which was finalized the day i was asked. We were planning to go clubbing after, so I told her that I will meet her somewhere once the dinner was over which was maybe around 10pm. I told her to get some alcohol before meeting me, so she could be at the same drunk level as us. She called me at 10pm and I told her that none of us is leaving yet. Then she started yelling at me. She complained how it was 10 and how she doesn't understand why I can't come out and have drinks with her. I told her how I paid 40 bucks for the all you can eat dinner/drinks and that I was going to get her as soon as we all started moving. But she just got pissed off at me while I was super drunk, just because she couldn't bare the thought of waiting or running to some cafe to drink just one drink alone. So I went to pick her up and joined her to the group, which was welcoming since i had talked to them about her earlier so that she wont be a complete stranger when she arrived. And obviously, she just goes off with this fresh feel of attention and goes about it as if she owns the place.
This: her weird insecurity, dependency, and feeling of superiority is really annoying me these days… its pretty bad.
I have a lot more to rant, but this is it for now.
I think she needs to find some friends, but I think I need to be more independent too. I shouldn't feel bad for her or feel obligated to her. Like I know that it was my choice in the end to stay up with her to listen to her the night before the test, and so on, but its just hard sometimes because I want to be a good friend, but I can't let her drag me down with her too.
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