Screwed up my own life.

[hiddenkilljoy]

I'm new to this forum, so I don't exactly know what people rant or complain or cry about, but this has been eating me alive and I so desperately need to get it out somewhere. Anywhere.
It started 4 years ago when I signed up for twitter. My mum had it, so I thought, whatever, I'll see. It was meh for a while. I didn't talk on it. Mainly posted stupid shit that twelvies post. Then I started watching a tv show. (FYI: I'm not going to state any specific information in any of this.) I loved it so much, I expressed my love about it on twitter! Soon people who also liked the same show as much as I did started following me, and I got a few friends. Of course, friends means info about yourself. The age I was then was not a very popular age. Sure, I was mature for my age, didn't act as stupid as most people my age. But that didn't matter. I would still be the same dumb kid. So the first friend I became close with said their age, then asked me mine. They were three years older than me. I said 'Oh yeah! me too!' At the time, I didn't think about it. Looking back, that tweet changed my future and I didn't even know it.
I would sometimes think about coming out truthful about my age, but then I noticed many older people showing extreme negativity to my real age group. I thought, "Oh. I wont say anything yet."
A year or so went by, I got over that show and that fandom, and got in to a book series that is very popular nowadays. Sadly, this fandom showed even more negativity for my age group than the last one. It saddened me. People loved me! But it was distressing to know they wouldn't love me if they knew my real age. That hurt, but it didn't affect me too much.
2 or so years later, I managed to make it so people believed I was only 2 years older than I actually am. I got attached to people, and they got attached to me. Theyd all seen my face in photos, but thankfully I looked older than I am. Shit got bad. One of my closest friends turned out to be lying about their first name, claiming that they were going to be legally changing it soon and it was like a fresh start, as theyd had a rough past. It didn't phase me, because it was small and nothing compared to my lie. But the fandom exploded. So much hate was thrown towards her. Hate accounts, best friends hated her. She eventually left and I haven't spoken to her in ages. That affected me.
Last year was the worst for this. It started to get to me. I grew really attached to people, knowing them, skyping them, I knew so many people and I got along better with them than anyone in real life. But I knew they'd never talk to me if they knew my age. That hurt me.
Near the end of last year, I got in to a relationship online. Id known this girl for 2 years and I loved her. Her biggest fear was someone she loved lying to her. I kept trying to convince myself to tell people the truth, to just spit it out. Because it was destroying me and it would destroy people more if i kept it for so so long. But i didn't. And i hate myself for that.
Ive been in that relationship for 6 months now, it's going brilliantly and I love her. I have 2 best friends online that I text and skype and facetime everyday.
But i dont know if i can do it anymore. I keep making up excuses for things, like why i dont have my license and all that. It is killing me. I hate doing this to them, and I hate what its doing to me. Because Im lying to the people i love the most, the people ive made plans for the future with. And I think about that everyday. And I know that i could forget about them in a year and these problems wont matter then, but they matter now, and they matter so much i cry over it. I know some people will look at this and say "you dumbfuck. why would you lie about your age?" and i know, I KNOW it was the stupidest thing i could ever do. But i was young and scared and I hate myself so much for that one tweet. So this is my rant, and I know its a dumbass rant, but this is the thing that affects me most and keeps me up at night, hating myself.
yeah.
I dont know.

[sporkium]

so... basically your issue is that you lie a lot. it's okay... it's not entirely your fault. people of your age just have no concept of reality and that's fine.

it 'might' come out sooner or later. go with later and for now, don't worry. continue living your lie and enjoying your twilight books or whatever.

just be aware, that most countries have laws regarding misrepresentation.

[wildcard]

My take on this is that you need to learn to be proud of who you are and not feel like you have to lie to make yourself more likeable to others.

You think if you tell the truth you will lose friends, but in fact you have no friends at all if they will not accept you for who you are.

I am a redneck from Alabama-- not a very popular place to be from-- not a very popular general attitude toward the world, but I would never have lied about it because if I did then I wouldn't have been true to myself.

Consequently, not everyone likes me. Oh well, fuck 'em.

[LZA]

that tweet changed my future

I wasn't aware that Twitter had that power... I don't think that should have you as stressed out as it sounds in your posts... You shouldn't be crying over it...A lie over your age?? Step back and take deep breaths... Trust me, everybody lies about shit all the time. My wife has been 35 for the past 10 years now!

For you, I think you need a good perspective. If you want, just keep going with it until you are of the age (like drivers' license and crap).. It should be the persons character, not the number of years on earth that matters, but if I remember way back to those days, age was important for clicks and stuff, but you are all too young and naive to know it doesn't really matter about age when your an adult...

Fuck it, I'd say get all you can out of it for now. If it comes up you know it'll be uncomfortable since you are uncomfortable with it now... Hope for the best but expect the worst. If they leave you because you're too young, well, you were ready for that, right? Next time just don't lie. Find people your own age and mesmerize them with what you learned from the older kids...

I just my best advice for you is RELAX, shit is not as big a deal as you may think!

(This post was last modified: 04-14-2014, 10:12 AM by LZA.)

[velvetfog]

The problem with lying, is that you end up not just lying to others, but also to yourself.
Fooling yourself serves no useful purpose.
And lying to others tend to catch up with you.
All you really have in life, as far as other people are concerned, is your word and your honor.
If you can't be trusted, people will realize it after a while, and start to think of you as a sack of shit.

[Brutalcookies]

Maybe write own problems in our own diary

[B5DWLF]

Social media isn't the same as a face-to-face conversation with a good friend. The internet has its perks, such as being able to discuss things you would rarely ever be open about, but it's better to visit your friends in person or at least call them. The feelings expressed about things online are rarely the same in real life, and it shouldn't be taken seriously. This is just pixels on a BB code generated screen, and all the men and women are merely players.

[vanevan]

Siding with LZA and Wildcard,

Lying is not good but everyone does it to an extent. The lie you made, about your age, was nothing.

What you need is a little boost in self confidence. Try watching Chris Rock talk about lying, "A man's lie is... I was at Kenny's house or Tony's house... a woman's lie is, "it's yo' baby""

Hilarious stuff

[Hedeyasu]

I lied about my age a lot, mainly for signing up for things of course, but nothing really screwed me up that bad. The worst that's ever come from me lying about my wage was I lost a friend I met online when I told him how old I really was. Funny story actually, it was in a game, and he needed some help, and for some stupid reason I decided I wanted to tell him then how old I was (10 at the time) and he was like "Oh....well..." I asked him if he still needed help and he said no, and then immediately unadded me after that. But that was the worst think that ever happened to me lying about my age. I think you were just unlucky.