Positivity: what is it?

[LZA]

To me, it's an unknown subject; something that I thought had and will elude me for most of my life.

The older I get I'm wondering that it's not a status to achieve, but more of a state of mind to realize...

I found this Kevin Hart Video from the JRE talking about how he's naturally a positive guy. Being naturally negative, there was a point in time where I thought he was talking another language and probably would have hated him for talking such BS.

Now, knowing that part of life is learning and applying not only what I've learned, but lessons that other's may have learned (even if it's contrary to what you may believe or have known). What intrigues me is he seems so genuine in this feeling. You can tell because there is peace with him. He's talked like this before, and with his past, he's had a hard life so he knows what it's like to go through tough things.

Not like the major % of BS fake people in daily life, while at work, on social media or what have you. People who say something because it sounds nice or proper and want attention from people when they talk but words or actions you can tell they don't believe it. Like this former co-worker talking about being all about working on yourself, then bitching that others have what she doesn't. The miserable religious people that quote the bible but blatantly act against it, as examples. I wonder if they are miserable because They deep down don't really believe what they say, or do believe, but know they don't practice what they preach, or are just fucking stupid.

One thing I know by experience, negativity may be my way but it's not the way to be. I know since it's uncomfortable since I know things can be better. But I'm happy because if life is a balance, I know great negativity can bring great positivity... It's not a rule, but the possibility is there (for the most part). I guess my point is you can appreciate the good times more intensely when you have bad times to compare it to, then you can if you are just always having good times...

Anyway, my goal is to work on using my negative experiences to be more positive. I know negativity for the person feeling it can eat them up and destroy them and can be so toxic for others that people don't want to deal with you (who wants to deal with a whiny bitch all the time). That's something I need to remind myself of and work on...

Curious to hear how others deal. Are you usually happy, sad, indifferent, angry, None of which can be bad if you are satisfied (I knew someone always angry and complaining who hated people but loved him/herself, which is OK). Being positive more often than not is a new language I'm trying to learn.

(This post was last modified: 04-09-2019, 02:12 PM by LZA.)

[wildcard]

I read this earlier, but I didn't have time to give a proper reply.

I am a pessimistic person, by nature. I always expect things to go horribly, but they rarely are ever as bad as I imagined.

An example: My boss told me yesterday to finish some projects before I went home. I got all of them done (I thought) but missed a fairly important one. Anyway, last night I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going to be in trouble and get a stern talking to or something of that nature.

When I came in this morning, he never even mentioned it. In fact, I was able to get it done early and I'm not sure he ever noticed. I build things up in my head and worry needlessly.

So, I am probably the wrong person to ask about positive expectations.

I may not seem like it, but I have a natural lean toward feeling depressed. Being almost forty years old, I have learned over the years to just keep myself busy so that I don't slip into that "poor me" mentality. It would be easy when I think of my failed marriages, my perpetually single relationship status, or the loss of SO many friends over the years.

Instead, I stay busy working on RC, MyBB plugins, building sites for friends, writing songs, recording, playing guitar, etc. I have learned that I need multiple hobbies. If I have more options, I am less likely to slip into depression.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to throw the word "depression" around lightly. My "slumps" are nothing compared to what others go through, I am sure.

[Bunny]

In 2006 I went through something pretty traumatic, and before this happened i was a very positive person. Ever since then, it’s like I’m just not the same person anymore. I suffered a great deal of setbacks, one right after the other, until negativity just swept me up. Eventually, I had to get a grip, and realize if I always expected the terrible to happen, then it probably would.

I still have very negative days and even weeks. To where, I’m not sure positivity could find me, if you ran it up a flag pole and it was blowing in the wind.

I want to be a more positive person. I’ve had serious issues with depression. So a lot of times, I feel as if that contributes to the negativity I sometimes dwell on. Thankfully, I recently have come out of a situation that kept the negative cloud above my head.

If I’m really honest, I’m extremely positive towards others. Mainly because I’m a people pleaser. 🙄 But negative towards my own situations 90% of the time. It’s definitely a work in progress. I do hope that someday I can change that percentage. Until then, you will find me overthinking, worrying, and downright spiraling at times. Lol.

I will never probably be a “Positive Polly”. But I would enjoy an escape from my way of thinking.

[LZA]

I read this earlier, but I didn't have time to give a proper reply.

I am a pessimistic person, by nature. I always expect things to go horribly, but they rarely are ever as bad as I imagined.

An example: My boss told me yesterday to finish some projects before I went home. I got all of them done (I thought) but missed a fairly important one. Anyway, last night I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going to be in trouble and get a stern talking to or something of that nature.

When I came in this morning, he never even mentioned it. In fact, I was able to get it done early and I'm not sure he ever noticed. I build things up in my head and worry needlessly.

I'm exactly that way too. It's almost my overreactions of emotions coupled with my depression telling me that everything will always go wrong I lock myself in a frame of thought that takes away any chance of me having a good day. I think I may have posted here before about worrying about my sup getting on my ass one day, so I medicated myself to deal with the fallout, COMPLETELY forgetting that she wouldn't be in and that I was running the unit...Things went much better, but my depression was calling me an asshole since I didn't remember and worried over nothing. I remember driving into work before I realized, inventing an injury to myself as what she would probably say, and how the day was just gonna suck...What a waste of energy!

Eventually, I had to get a grip, and realize if I always expected the terrible to happen, then it probably would.

I still have very negative days and even weeks. To where, I’m not sure positivity could find me, if you ran it up a flag pole and it was blowing in the wind.

Exactly! That was my point in saying that in a different frame of mind, this Kevin Hart video with the best of intentions would actually cause the opposite effect. I'd get mad, question the validity. Looking for positivity in that mindstate is like looking for something with your eyes closed.

It's almost that I knoe it's a way of thinking, I can be more positive if I tried, but sometimes I just don't wanna hear it. It's like a false sense of satisfaction sitting here being negative and feeling sorry for myself. If that makes any sense

---

I used to think negativity and hard life was for the stronger people as a way to feel better about myself, like god gives you what you can handle, ya know?

But the true strength I'm finding outcomes with all the BS I deal with, but somehow finding a way to be happy anyway. If I was oblivious to that, I'd allow myself not to change. Knowing It's within reach yet not trying makes it worse for me... But they say be the change you wish to become (I just puked a little after typing that... LOL)

(This post was last modified: 04-10-2019, 12:38 PM by LZA.)

[LZA]

Thinking of something else. Positivity is not something that you can "wish for" or be granted when you "pray to god". Like everything else, it has to be worked for.

So whatever religious or spiritual beliefs you may have, or if you don't have any at all. You can't just wish something to be true and get it granted like a wish from a genie. I believe whatever creator is out there does not grant wishes, but instead of giving you a prize, it puts you in positions to where you can work on what you asked for, and hone your craft...If you don't believe in god, you can still believe in Science or the cause/effects of reality

For example, I wished I was more understanding of others differing opinions, and not thinking my own view was all there was. Instead of it magically being a part of me, I was put in situations where i was literally pissed off (like the Kevin Hart video), until I thought: Wait, this is my trial. Because experience is the best teacher, and now I'm practicing in recognizing I can give it a fair thought when it comes up, ya know? Like now, I'm trying to get better (I want to be physically better), but it seems like more shit is thrown my way...Instead of saying, fuck it, I just don't have the luck, I'll say: Challenge accepted. I sound as fruity as those full of shit positive people I used to hate to listen to, LOL. As guess it's all in what you believe.

Jordan Peterson mentioned (I may not be exact) that the truly good man is not the one who only does good, but knows both good and evil and decided to do good in spite of it. Same can be said about mental status in regards to being happy/angry all the time. We are the true warriors

Like weightlifting: The progress is through the pain. The times you want to stop because it hurts is the times you need to push through it because that's when you grow.

I'll re-read this when I'm not in such a good mood and make myself barf... LOL

Something to think about though, I guess...

(This post was last modified: 04-13-2019, 09:22 PM by LZA.)

[Bunny]

Being positive, or even staying positive at times, is seriously like a yoyo thing for me. up and down. I feel like some days its forced though. I guess its like all things in life, you have to learn balance.