Rant My love life sucks!

[Ridiculous]

I do well in most aspects of my life I have a good paying job with good hours, I don't have any major health problems, don't do drugs and I'm not an alcoholic. But when it comes to relationships with women I have absolutely no damned luck at all either everything will go great until they think I might be interested in them as more than just friends(even when I'm just being a reliable friend), then they start avoiding me or even worse will become straight up hostile or cold to me or the woman I am interested in ALWAYS draws the interest of another dude or dudes and ends up with one of them instead, or coworkers/uninvolved people start rumor mongering and they get turned off by that and quickly distance themselves from me.

I'll give a perfect example: There's this friend I had at work until very recently who is around the same age as me, we met when she started working for the same company as I do and gradually became friends. After the job that we were working on completed we were transferred to another location a couple hundred miles away where we are currently still at, she didn't have any transportation of her own so I drove her with me to the new city and when she was able to get her a driver's license and purchased a car back in the city we originate from I drove her back there to pick it up.

Now during this time we started having a few drinks together from time to time, we'd go to the movies(she's a big time movie enthusiast) and occasionally go out to eat together and just talk and enjoy the meal. Then she just stopped drinking which was fine with me because I enjoyed spending time, hanging out and talking to her and wasn't interested in getting her drunk. Then one day we were in a sandwich shop ordering some food(while I was helping her with her taxes) and the server mentioned that we made a cute couple. That was the last time she's gone out to eat with me.

She asked me every couple of weeks to go to the movie theater with her which I happily did and then she decided that she wanted to get a type of license to further her career which I supported every step of the way. Then one day she asked me if I could spare $5000 and when I looked at her crazy she amended it to $1000 that she needed to pay for the license. I was able to comfortably afford this so I not only gave it to her, but I told her that because I enjoyed her company and hanging out together that I didn't expect repayment for it and she happily took it.

After that she still would ask me to go to the movies but not as often and she was no longer interested in talking it was just go to the theater, watch the movie then we go our separate ways. What finally drove her away from me was that after we watched a movie before she left I gave her a quick hug as a friend(it wasn't a 5 minute hug and no I wasn't running my hands up and down her back or anything just a quick hug with like two pats between her shoulders then released). The very next morning she texts me giving me the third degree about why did I give her a hug(even though she has had no problem hugging other men at work) and now she doesn't ask me to go to the movies anymore she no longer texts or calls me, it's like to her I no longer exist.

The very last conversation that we had she said she wasn't interested in a relationship even though I never actually pursued one, I said no problem I'm happy being friends and can respect that that's all she wants to be. Nowadays she'll wave or whatever when she sees me at work but won't talk to me and absolutely will not hang out with me anymore.

I guess that I was being an asshole when I gave her a ride for no cost from one city to another so that she still has her job, I guess that I was being an asshole when I encouraged and helped finance her schooling for her license, I guess that I was being an asshole when I gave(not loaned) her a thousand dollars to pay for the damned license and I guess I was really a despicable bastard when I gave her a friendly hug like I have seen others do.

I wouldn't even be bitter if it was just that one loss hey you win some you lose some, but I always come out on the losing end of it. I would have a great life if I had someone to share it with but I guess I'll have to settle for dying alone and a lifetime of coming home from work to an empty house and the realization that I can't have a significant other or even a female friend because the thought of having me for a boyfriend turns them off.

Anyway I'm not looking for advice or anything I just wanted to put to paper my frustrations at constantly seeing any woman that I like cutting me out of their life like a cancer or worse getting what they want from me first then treating me like some pariah.

End rant

[Wildcard]

I guess that I was being an asshole when I gave her a ride for no cost from one city to another so that she still has her job, I guess that I was being an asshole when I encouraged and helped finance her schooling for her license, I guess that I was being an asshole when I gave(not loaned) her a thousand dollars to pay for the damned license and I guess I was really a despicable bastard when I gave her a friendly hug like I have seen others do.

You weren't being an asshole, @Ridiculous, but you were being dumb.

If you want a woman to like you, she has got to be able to see your strength, but all you have shown her is weakness. I am not saying that you are a bad person, or that she isn't — I'm just saying that you teach people how to treat you.

Why on God's green Earth would you give her $1,000.00? I mean, damn, it is almost like you thought that being extremely nice (to the point of being a sap) would somehow get this person to see you as a soul mate? I'm sorry, but that isn't how it works.

People want what they can't have. No one wants someone who is throwing themselves at another person — or worse, silently hoping for something to happen without making any moves to solidify romantic intentions.

If you want to avoid being friend-zoned, try treating women that you meet just like one of the guys. Joke with them, tease them, call them out on their bullshit...you will find out quickly that women will have a much larger chance of crushing on you when you treat them like an equal, rather than putting them on a pedestal.

Just my two cents. Good luck with everything.

[LZA]

or coworkers/uninvolved people start rumor mongering and they get turned off by that and quickly distance themselves from me.

What does this statement mean? What rumors are you the victim of?

This rant kinda has an Incel-ish tone to it. NO disrespect, but maybe because people don't know where you are coming from, they tend to be apprehensive. Either you are their friend, or you try to date them.

Maybe a better approach would be to chat them up but make a move straight away... I'm not talking about ass grabbing, but ask her on a date. If she says no, then you can be friends with no regrets or worries about anything going further.

What you did was nice, but you should never expect a quid pro quo for stuff. That adds to the creep factor... I wonder if she thinks you were trying to buy her off with stuff since you were afraid to pull the trigger. And her to see this, if she did go out with you, is something she may have to worry about. Women kinda wanna be taken care of, not to take care of someone, or at least have to always guess intentions...

Next time, I'd say fuck it and just ask someone out. Once you are in the friend zone, it is possible to get out of it, but doing what you did is not the way. As far as her hugging others and not you... That should be an indicator, but really not your business... If she wanted to hug you, she would have... Maybe try to figure out what she's thinking of and straight-up tell her... But then again, with this new day and age of sexual harassment, you may wanna just chalk this up to a learning experience. LOL, you can be friends after a relationship doesn't work... This i know from experience. The friendship may be better since expectations are already set...

Or just go into it thinking you don't care what happens, that way you will be yourself and not put on the act of being on your best behavior and fuck things up by being disingenuous.

[Ridiculous]

or coworkers/uninvolved people start rumor mongering and they get turned off by that and quickly distance themselves from me.

What does this statement mean? What rumors are you the victim of?

This rant kinda has an Incel-ish tone to it. NO disrespect, but maybe because people don't know where you are coming from, they tend to be apprehensive. Either you are their friend, or you try to date them.

Maybe a better approach would be to chat them up but make a move straight away... I'm not talking about ass grabbing, but ask her on a date. If she says no, then you can be friends with no regrets or worries about anything going further.

What you did was nice, but you should never expect a quid pro quo for stuff. That adds to the creep factor... I wonder if she thinks you were trying to buy her off with stuff since you were afraid to pull the trigger. And her to see this, if she did go out with you, is something she may have to worry about. Women kinda wanna be taken care of, not to take care of someone, or at least have to always guess intentions...

Next time, I'd say fuck it and just ask someone out. Once you are in the friend zone, it is possible to get out of it, but doing what you did is not the way. As far as her hugging others and not you... That should be an indicator, but really not your business... If she wanted to hug you, she would have... Maybe try to figure out what she's thinking of and straight-up tell her... But then again, with this new day and age of sexual harassment, you may wanna just chalk this up to a learning experience. LOL, you can be friends after a relationship doesn't work... This i know from experience. The friendship may be better since expectations are already set...

Or just go into it thinking you don't care what happens, that way you will be yourself and not put on the act of being on your best behavior and fuck things up by being disingenuous.

I'll just post a little update on this after all this time and say that we're still friends.

Wtf is an Incel?

No I was not nor am I now trying to buy anyone's affection, if I were looking for that type of relationship I'd just pick up prostitutes for the night, instead I continue looking for someone who I actually enjoy spending time with and enjoying social activities with.

Regarding the gossip and rumors that I mentioned we both have people around us who have too much free time on their hands or for whatever reason like drama so they either make things up or take actual events/statements and twist them up to make them negative just to be dramatic.

Socially and professionally I do just fine, while not tut he most popular person in a group I'm definitely not the most ignored I'm just not seen by any of the females that I associate with as dating material. I tend to not develop friendships until spending a bit of time feeling people out, so yeah it's not easy for me to go out and meet a bunch of other women.

It does suck but you know what I'm just going to end up bitter and cynical and saying fuck it because at the end of the day if I end up old, lonely and live out my entire life while having no one to share the journey with for most of it then ah, well that's just the way it goes.

[Wildcard]

I'll just post a little update on this after all this time and say that we're still friends.

Refreshing. A lot of people just drop it on us and never come back to say anything else. Thanks

Wtf is an Incel?

https://www.google.com/search?q=Incel

The term "involuntary celibate" (shortened to "incel") refers to self-identifying members of an online subculture based around the inability to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one, a state they describe as "inceldom" or "incelibacy".

No I was not nor am I now trying to buy anyone's affection, if I were looking for that type of relationship I'd just pick up prostitutes for the night, instead I continue looking for someone who I actually enjoy spending time with and enjoying social activities with.

Maybe I jumped the gun there. I guess it is just because I can't imagine giving that much money to a person that was no in my immediate family.

It does suck but you know what I'm just going to end up bitter and cynical and saying fuck it because at the end of the day if I end up old, lonely and live out my entire life while having no one to share the journey with for most of it then ah, well that's just the way it goes.

We are in the same boat. I'm single and very likely to stay that way for a very long time.

Pretty okay with it, though.

[Ridiculous]

<b>Maybe I jumped the gun there. I guess it is just because I can't imagine giving that much money to a person that was no in my immediate family.</b>

Just to clarify I make a pretty decent living and don't live extravagantly so for me it wasn't money I would miss. I just saw an opportunity to help out a friend and did so without thinking about it.

My rant was triggered by her reaction at the time to me giving her a brief friendly hug I was certainly not expecting that reaction especially considering that I've never tried putting any moves on her or anything like that.

Maybe at some point in the future I'll try to discretely figure out what would cause her to  react that way, maybe it was because of some past incident but if so I would not want her to talk about it if she's not comfortable doing so.

(This post was last modified: 01-07-2020, 04:10 AM by Ridiculous.)

[Wildcard]

Sorry, seems like I jumped to conclusions. Thanks so much for coming back and updating us!