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  • My entire family!!
    My parents and siblings are strange people. They are small minded, they won't talk to try and iron out issues and are oblivious to anything that doesn't involve massaging each others egos. When I was a child, it was easy for my much older siblings to bully me into just about anything. I moved away as soon as I was old enough. In those 10 years though I have been in contact with them, it's been limited. They got quite a shock when they realized that now I'm an adult, I don't bully so easily. My parents are unhappy that I won't be inviting some of them to my wedding - my parents have no say in the matter as they are neither hosting nor paying for it - I am, besides which they themselves have shown very little interest in my upcoming nuptials.

    My whole family blame my fiance, they say he's 'changed' me. No, I changed within the first 5 years of moving away, long before I even met my fiance. It's just easier for them to blame it on other influences than to accept that I've grown up and become my own person and that I no longer tolerate being mistreated.

    I'm moving really close to completely cutting my siblings out of my life for good. I don't want to lose my parents by doing so but I may well have to because they expect me to put up with all kinds of bullshit abuse from my siblings on the sole basis that we're related.
    wildcard liked this post
    it can be difficult to deal with passive aggressive siblings who have reached adulthood, for sure. if you don't want to maintain contact with them because you believe they won't change, then you know what route you must take.

    people can change though, if they realize they are hurting you and they care enough to make amends. you should not consider the fact that you no longer will accept their harsh or unfair treatment toward you as an excuse to take revenge on them at every point along the way by being mean or nasty. if the words they say and the things they do are completely unprovoked, meet somewhere and talk it out with them until you reach a conclusion. that's all any relationship counselor in history has ever done.. facilitate conflict resolution.

    if they are blaming your fiance for the way you've changed since you left home, it's better if you meet with them alone without him. before you meet at all though, you need to reach a point of personal forgiveness for every wrongdoing your siblings and parents have committed against you. it can't be an attitude of "if they show remorse then i will forgive them," it needs to be a selfless act on your part to see if there is anything left to salvage in the relationship at all. sometimes, unfortunately, there isn't; it's most common when the other party struggles with substance abuse and/or a pattern of behavior learned from predecessors, but sometimes a person will not reach a point of change until (for instance, in a case like this) they've alienated everyone around them.

    it'd be helpful to have more details.
    wildcard liked this post

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