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  • Is this just karma?
    I'm in love with the only guy who has ever been patient with me, more than I deserve... 
    But he's no longer mine.
    He's with someone else.

    I tortured him for so long, told him over and over again we could never make this work. 
    Yet here I am holding him back from an actual future with this girl.
    She doesn't deserve this.
    He's doing all the things I accused him of doing to her.
    No one deserves this.

    I deserve better too.
    I need to be stronger.
    I need to stop being selfish.
    But I don't want to.
    I don't know how to.

    I don't know how to stop thinking about him, worrying about him.
    Wondering if his okay, if he's had something to eat or done his dishes. 
    I don't know how to say no when he wants to meet.
    I don't know how to stop missing his arms wrapped around me even when he's laying right next to me.

    The only thing that I do know is that when I'm with him, he's all I need, he's all I want.
    The world is right and nothing, nothing else in the world is worth living for. 

    How do I let go of something like that.
    How do I tell myself to give up that kind of happiness.
    How do I tell myself to stop missing him when everything I see reminds me of him.
    How do I tell myself that he's no longer mine,
    He's with someone else.

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