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  • Rant Creepy, short,old,masculine lesbians are drawn to me.Why?
    #31
    @LZA Thank you for your support. You really understand my situation. I can't discuss about this situation verbally with anyone. I just can't. It pisses me off to know how much crap I let these creepy short older women gropers get away with over the past 16 months. And the thing that kills me the most is that I knew I could take them on. I know that I could deal with it very well but whenever some lesbian touches me or gropes me I always lose all confidence in myself and then later at home I imagine what I would have done instead. I can't even argue back to these lesbian women. I became so passive and weak. How do I stop these thoughts from eating away at me?
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    #32
    @Stella 1977 In my mind what's important for you to know/remember is that what you are feeling is not abnormal, even though your circumstance may be.

    I was never one to confront/self-advocate for myself and I'm cursed with a great memory so I can pretty much remember all the time people would take advantage or otherwise fuck me over. So it's constantly like reopening a wound, and I can actually get just as pissed now thinking about it as when it happened (and in some instances, I'm talking decades ago).

    I hated what they did, I hated how I chose to react (or not react), and ultimately, It fed my self-hate because I thought I wasn't good enough since I didn't think I did what I should have. I always put myself in last place and came to accept how life was and that people would just shit on me. Now, I've admitted severe depression at times, and I'm not trying to say you are the same way, but I can certainly relate to the frustration. I'm not saying I had it worse... In fact, I can imagine you going through it worse if you do have self-respect because it must be aggravating and confusing to know your self worth yet still be treated that way, where I pretty much resigned myself to knowing that it was just the way it was...

    That was the way I thought of myself... The more I think, the more I realize I was incorrect. And I mentioned mind manipulation as you did. It was easier for me to think I wasn't worth it than to make a confrontation and stick up for myself. I thought of myself as a little bitch and I was right... I still think of myself that way in some cases, but at least I can try to put it in perspective. I thought of myself as a victim of these people but the truth is these people reminded me that I was a victim of myself as they brought of situations that taught me that I just didn't know how to handle myself... I wonder if that's what's nagging at you too... And it's not that you can't handle yourself, but I think you are like me and wonder why you even have to deal with this shit in the first place.

    The more I think, it's a harsh realization that you can't get along with everyone... Don't know if you are religious or not, I'm actually spiritual. And I know that life is a struggle and you go through pain to increase the overall development of your spiritual self. In order to do that you have to put yourself through pain, to see how you react to that pain, or how you deal with the pain you can't control to gain overall peace. Physical proof of this theory is education... You get smarter by going through the trials of learning something new... Things you have no idea about over time become 2nd nature, a sport you practice at you get faster, better at my constant practice and repetition. I equated it to my old weightlifting career. A saying is "the progress is in the pain"

    To me, that is a metaphor for life. Your progress now is how to deal with this mess...The only way to learn how to deal is by repetitive motion and actually going through it. So believe it or not, you are in a good position now because the aggravation you are feeling is your opportunity to grow from it. Here and now is how you learn about yourself. I've now learned to take these situations as challenges.

    I think the reason you hesitate is also the fear of overcorrection. It takes a 3 dimensional through the process to put everything in its place... in my past, I would still manipulate and be mentally lazy and say fuck it, but just overreacting... Going from not advocating at all to overreacting to everything in the spirit of "finally sticking up for myself"... When I read your words, that what I'm reminded of.. Not saying that's necessarily the case for you though. Trust me, all or nothing is not a peaceful way to live... That is my personality. The trick is to put all in perspective and do just what is needed to fix the problem.

    So I can understand your hesitation since you don't want to act out of fear you may be overreacting, of that if their intentions are harmless, that you'll "unnecessarily" hurt their feelings when you don't need to. You are trying to rationalize the best way to handle this so you keep the peace with everyone. That is commendable, but not necessarily correct a few reasons.

    Do what you can as you have been, but you now realize that what you are doing is not working. It's got to escalate to another level since it's still bothering you... Since you are still bothered by thinking you are less than for not taking care of yourself, you know it's not resolved; unless you can find a way to live with it, something has to be done. If you don't come to a resolution, it'll only get worse.

    Since your feeling is stemming from how you know you didn't react, if they get feelings of hurt from you saying something, it'll come from their selfishness or lack of respect for what you may be thinking. Deal with what you need to, and let them deal with what they need to. You are accepting blame for yourself by not acting, but are afraid to act since you are ready to accept blame for the hurt feeling you think you will cause them, but if they get hurt, it's their fault. TBH is none of your business how they handle reality... If they cry, it's on them and fuck it... If they get mad, fuck them...Not your issue. Your issue is taking care of you so you can get rid of that nagging feeling in your head. We are all responsible for ourselves.

    I never understood how people can be assholes about things and not take into account others feelings, but now I see the logic since they really shouldn't have to care. You are like me, who take others feelings into account and try to find the most peaceful resolutions... PS: Taking them out is a nice stress reliever, but if you really act on that they will consider you a homophobe or otherwise unreasonable person since they go by your actions... They don't see your pain now, They'll just see you accepting it, then blowing your stack... I had that problem by not saying anything then "coming out of left field" and going ape shit out of not being able to handle it anymore... That's me though, and I'm extreme... You sound more level headed, so I know you won't beat up any lesbians... LOL, it would be funny if you did, and some of those trolls are probably into S&M and will probably get their rock off by you touching them anyway.

    Jesus, I realized I'm writing a book for this post...Sorry. I guess the short answer is to take your time to figure out how to tell people to leave you alone. Just the fact that one person notices the face you make and acknowledges you are uncomfortable confirms they know what they are doing... If she notices it, they all do... SO they are using you as a sexual piece of meat and not a person since it's obvious it bothers you but do it anyway... I'm trying to piss you off so you put your feelings before theirs and tell these trolls to stop... Fuck these bitches, because they are obviously fucking you. Who are they to you anyway? In 5 years, are they going to be more important to you??? Probably not...

    It's too bad that IRL you are alone. My Ex-wife would be the attack dog for my issues and would look like the bad guy by saying shit, then I would actually tell the person that she was looking out for me and that things would bother me but I didn't know how to say it... I was pretty much a bitch that had her do my fighting... NOw I can advocate for myself, it's much more gratifying as you will find out... I'm just saying it's too bad your husband can't step in and say something to them to be the bad guy, and you can do damage control but confirm the validity of what he said as him speaking through you... I actually started doing that for others when I fell off the edge of sanity since I no longer cared what others thought...

    I'm just talking now, that's my manipulation/laziness since I hated doing shit like this for myself. It really is best for you to handle it yourself. You came into this world alone, you'll leave alone, you don't need anyone to help you live (husband, family or anyone), but it's still nice to pretend to get out of it without having to actually do the work... I'm confident your time it will be handled. However, it happens is the way it will suppose to be... Even if it's a blowout, fuck it, over and done. Like ripping a bandaid off. Best to do it quickly and go through a split second of major pain than agonize and torture of doing it slowly.

    Last, you can always vent to me, and I can keep going on. Sometimes knowing someone can relate is more helpful than you think... And even though your issue now is lesbian sexual predators, the set of problem-solving skill you'll use to correct this can translate to really any problem you have... It's the thought process and execution process that you execute is what matters. Once you figure that out, what the specific problem becomes irrelevant.

    Rant over... sorry for the book Smile

    Yikes, just rereading all of this... I'm really full of hot air!! Tongue
    (This post was last modified: 06-02-2019, 12:47 PM by LZA.)
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    #33
    @LZA So you are divorced. Why? If you don't mind me asking. I can’t talk to my husband about this situations with these short older lesbian gropers because he is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me. But it is my fault. 4 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly. It has been a difficult journey for my husband, he can't seem to forgive me. It was an si month affair from January 2015 until July 2015, and my husband and I were already talking about divorce, but he didn’t know I was having an affair.

    I realized one day that I wanted to stay with my husband and that I did love him more than anything. I told the other guy that it was over.I told him that my family is too precious to lose and that I can't sleep with him anymore. I told the other guy that it was over and that I was going to confess all to my husband. I confessed to my husband. This guy, my affair partner, moved to another state in March 2016.

    My husband wants to know all the details about everything, how many times we had sex, what other acts we did, where did we go, how big the other guy was, did I like it, did I orgasm, etc. Four years later he still asks all these things.

    That was a very shameful time of my life, and I have blocked a lot of things, things I said to my husband, and feelings that I had toward the guy I cheated with, my feelings at the time. All I want to do is forget all of it but I can’t because my husband still has not moved past it.

    I feel that I have done everything I can to try and rebuild his trust in me, to show not just say that I regret and will never do anything like that again, to show him that I love him and he is the most important person in my life. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 4 years.

    I respond to him when he talks about it and asks questions, and I do my best to empathize with his feelings and reassure him that I love him and will be here for him even though there was a period when I was not. Nothing helps. I don’t know what I can do to help him through this. It has been 4 years, and this is still a massive wall in between us that I want to tear down, but he doesn’t seem to be able to allow it. He still cannot stop bringing it up. My husband loses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me. I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel it could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and lose it. He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add). Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair. My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

    This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have. After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely). The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.
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    #34
    (06-05-2019, 04:11 PM)Stella 1977 Wrote:  He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it.

    Really? How can you not understand that cheating on your SO is devastating to your partner? That he will never feel as secure in the way that you feel about him ever again? That he will never feel like as much of a man as he used to? That he will forever live in fear or finding out that you've done it again? That he will forever dread the day he is standing in line somewhere and that guy is right there looking him in the eye?

    Stella, what I am about to tell you will not be nice, but it is the cold, hard truth. You have to make a new relationship. Maybe, maybe, maybe, it will be with this guy; likely it will be with someone else. Relationships, from a man's perspective, largely rests on the idea that you were awesome enough to make a beautiful, vivacious woman fall in love with you. On that pillar suspends many of the beliefs that get a man through the day: My size is good enough for her; I am handsome enough; I am funny enough; she really loves me for who I am.

    So, now, you either have to win him (notice I didn't say "back") or move on.

    It really isn't penance— I just mean that you have to play the role of the hunter and let him be the prey. Court him. Play up to his manliness. If there is ever any possible way to say something negative about the other guy, do it, but don't be the one to bring it up! Confused Downplay as much as you can the impact this other man had on you. Meanwhile, make him feel like the biggest, baddest, sexiest, bravest hunk of man on the planet. And don't stop. Like ever.

    If that sounds like too much, or if deep in your heart, you know that it still wouldn't do any good, then in my humble opinion, you should at least consider moving on.

    Of course, it is easier for an Internet stranger to say these things. Obviously, your judgement is superior to mine, but I felt this in my gut and just let it come out.

    Best of luck to you.
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    #35
    @wildcard Thank you for your response. The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened. Since my affair i try to just keep quiet and not annoy him but I feel as if I have lost my husband and our previously close relationship will never be the same. My husband cannot forgive me.

    I love my husband.I try my hardest. So my husband is quite possessive and gets jealous very easily - if I look at another guy on he gets angry and says that I'm staring at other guys. I might look which is only natural but I don't look at anyone else 'like that' if you get me. I have an overwhelming amount of attention from men. As long as I remember….I've attracted men like crazy. Usually, it's always lust is why they are so drawn to me.

    I love my husband so much but feel like he is slipping further away from me everyday. I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. He resents me because i had an affair.

    Because he is always moody he blames me for my affair and says I'm a 'bitch'. 4 years ago I cheated. I have never cheated before. My husband and I struggled with communication. We had sex like once every 2 months for years. I felt like my life was passing me by. The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me atleast. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again.He is soooo angry still,I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

    I feel like my husband moods tend to make the whole atmosphere change to his mood. I feel if he's in a bad mood I have to tip toe around him and worry my daughter is going to wind him up and cause him to be worse ( he has never physically harmed us), but I do feel like I live on egg shells. If I have ever been funny with him he makes me say sorry (in a slightly over the top belittling way). I feel so nervous that even if nothing wrong but he ask me a question for example "Do you love me?" or something similar. He even tends to hold my hand or stay close when he's asking questions like this. My husband is always angry, he complains constantly, and makes me feel as though anything I do is inadequate. When he gets upset with me, he leaves the house. Not just for a few minutes, or to walk around, but for several hours. It upsets me like you wouldn't believe! The whole time I'm worried that something happened to him & worried if he'll come home. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I don't fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants.

    Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something..

    We can have a great day, or a great week, or we can be just okay and getting along and then.... suddenly, out of the blue in my opinion, he's depressed, which causes or turns into anger, and he's lashing out at me, or snide remarks etc. When all I have been doing is being me, living our life, working, being mom, etc, meaning I haven't done anything wrong that day he lashes out on me, or even that week, etc. I just don't think it is fair that if he chose to stay in this relationship and if I am not doing anything wrong, I am being honest and a good wife and mom, I don't think it's fair that he can just be mean over something that happened 4 years ago that I cannot erase! I can never take it back, we can only move forward or really on be in today. I so desperately want to be able to help my husband heal but I am not sure how best to go about it. Am I doing the right things? I know I did wrong and people are right to judge me. He says he does still love me and wants to be with me. I do blame myself, I am the root of the cause and the problem. I am fully aware of that. It hurts and it sucks, it hurts him the most.
    LZA liked this post
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    #36
    @Stella 1977 Well, My saga there are many factors that caused it, She did fucked up things, I did a LOT of fucked up things. People say I take more of the responsibility of if and don;t allow her to own her proper share, but I do believe it's mostly my fault since I IRL I pride myself on my slow logical approach, as she is a quicker, more emotional reactionist (if reactionist is a word)... There are other factors that are just fucked up as you see one I'm done explaining. I think you'll also agree (not putting opinions in your head) that I could have been better.

    Overall? If I had to describe our demise in 1 word? It would be "communication" since it was really lacking. We met in 1998 and were madly in love... But both of us kinda withheld true feelings, real talks because maybe we thought it wasn't a big deal. I felt she was hot-headed and didn't bring things up because I didn't want a blow up over small things. And she thought I was too laid back and didn't really put as much in it as I could. I thought she was controlling and she thought I didn't care. A basic and non-comprehensive explanation to describe the beginning.

    At first, she was into us, and I was still young and into myself. I'd go lifting and spending my extra $$ on weightlifting supplements instead of stuff for the house (We were not married yet and had everything we needed). I tell you this as a backdrop to the overall story. I used weightlifting as a form of self-esteem to battle my mental issues (depression)... I had lifted for 10 years prior, and I wasn't going to stop for anyone. I thought people have to have their separate things and doing for yourself will ultimately make the relationship stronger... I still think that way. She was coming off a poor marriage at the time... I think She poured herself into me like it seems your husband is using you and your relationship to define himself... All of what @wildcard says is right as a reason. But that doesn't mean your husband is 100% innocent in this... I'll explain later.

    We had sex issues too (most relationships over the long term experiences something I think). At first, I wanted it too much, I think she thought I just wanted sex while she wanted to establish an emotional bond. I thought there was an emotional bond, and TBH being a man in my late 20s at the time, didn't think too much about it... Clear and open communication would have resolved this but wasn't there.

    Then come the mid-late 30s, I was getting health issues from former cancer I had in 1999 and my diabetes that at the time, didn't know I had... She became like me and wanted sex more, but I was too tired or grumpy... I didn't know why things changed. Partly I thought she didn't care so I started to say fuck it and did my own thing, never expecting her to initiate as much as she did... Compound that with my health issues and I was pretty much dead on my feet. I think she took it as I didn't care anymore, and she ALWAYS thought I was cheating (her ex would always cheat). I became more emotional in the relationship and she became more physical I guess. and got pissed when she wasn't there for me emotionally... I just wanted her to treat me like she used to... I guess our feelings "peaked" at different times and we were on different pages. But the reality of it was day to day we were on each other's nerves and pissed at each other, but we would never communicate it... The pot continues to boil...

    I find out I had Diabetes, and get sht fixed and things were normal...But then we had family issues, we were invested in other things that weren't our fault. As people, we had each other's backs, as partners, we drifted apart.

    My co-worker and supposed friend was getting a divorce and was needing a place to stay. I talked it over with my wife and thought he could stay with us... BIG mistake. They started an affair when he was here under my nose, but again, at that time we checked out. Remember my friend Steve from Brooklyn I mentioned in another thread? After all was said an done he said "You never invite another man into your home; your just asking for trouble" Don't know I agree completely... I'll amend that to say "know who your friends are before you invite them in". This guy would lie to her and say outrageous lies like I never loved her, I was going after everyone at work, and the only reason I was staying was that I was waiting for her father to die... All lies I learned after the fact... She'd tell him she didn't believe him, but then I did something that caused me to lose all credibility...She had no choice to believe him since I proved I was unstable and it was a side she never saw.

    What you ask??? I checked out mentally and had started using drugs to escape. I knew something was off but since I never communicated, I didn't know what. We lost many people on both sides of the family in 2012, Her mom died a day before my dad. Then the day before Christmas Eve I was coming home and got into a bad accident. My supervisor left and was replaced by the devil. I'm not making excuses but giving reasons as to why I let go... But honestly, if I'm not kidding myself, they are excuses... My addiction (first things like Ephedrine for lifting, to pain pills, then finally to hallucinogenics ) were all a big excuse I used as a manipulation for sympathy saying I couldn't take it anymore. I was so out of my mind and depressed, I made attempts on my life... Good thing I was always high at the time and screwed up the attempt. But I said fuck it and became no use to no one, even myself. I even found out that my wife was sleeping, and I said GOOD, they can leave me alone to get high... THAT'S what I became to deal with. Geez, even people here had to deal with my dumb shit... If I can piss people off all over the world, what do you think I did to my family? Some old posts I read I don't even remember saying... Sometimes I cringe.

    She stuck by me as long as she could. I told her to divorce me as I was probably going to be dead, and if I wasn't that I didn't care about anyone or anything so I told her to go to my friend... I remember my stepson telling me that he still cared and that he wished I'd get better and he loved me. I got angry since I was trying to feel better about leaving and to do that ALL ties needed to be cut. I'm telling you this to paint the picture, but also me typing it out helps me own my part of it. And to describe the person I became, and who she had to deal with. If I wan't happy, no one else would be either...

    Yada Yada, existence went on. We still kept in contact, we still cared, she found out how much of a louse my friend was. It was only when I hit bottom... I was homeless for a good few weeks when I decided to get it together. That was Dec 2016... One of the coldest winters in CT on file... I know cuz I was living in it.

    She is now remarried, I and my stepson share the bills for the apartment we lived in. Last time I talked to her was about 2 hours ago. I'm actually friends with her new husband. All in all, things are the way they need to be, even though I wish they sometimes could have been different.


    I'm telling you this not to sum up my story with a happy ending (not much happy about it), but to kind of reiterate what @wildcard said. If you can't win him back by doing what you can, probably best to let him go. We stayed together because it was comfortable financially, but it was unhealthy mentally. Do what you can, but you can only do what you can do.

    People who know all the details say I own too much of it and should be easier on myself. I' going to tell you the same thing. Ya you fucked up, but you are human, and you are over apologizing for your actions. I can see if you didn't care or were aloof, I'd say you are wrong, but you can only go half way. He has to come the other halfway.

    I always thought affairs were the result of a bad relationship, or at least indicative of something missing. Either sex, mental absence, or immaturity can cause it. He has to own part of it because no matter how good you look, he can't use you to define himself... I had girls that look like you describe yourself and the anxiety jacks up 10000000000%. Plus, I know how guys are... I was on edge too. Even y ex-wife was hit on alot, but I knew as freaked out as she was about affairs and being the victim on one from her husband, I trusted her not to cheat... I ended up being wrong.

    She cheated before I was on drugs, And as you see how I described things, something was missing between us. If she was happy, she would not have cheated. You cheated for some reason too. Either your husband was not providing something in the relationship, or, you were lacking something that you needed to fill (like that thrilling feeling of someone new)... Plus, younger people are more prone to cheat because they don't think of consequences... Not saying that (or anything I'm saying) applies to you, but hopefully it helps put in in some sort of perspective.

    Ya, you cheated, but the relationship needs to be reset, Wildcard said "new" Like a book of life you write in ink. You can't erase it, the only thing you can do is start a NEW chapter. I have every right to blame her affair for my drug use, and she has every right to blame my drug use at the end of our relationship. But we both agreed to move on, and forgive. The shitty thing is we are emotionally open to each other now, more so than when we were married. She is one of my dear friends. This relationship could not be possible without work from BOTH of us.

    There is also a difference between moving on and saying you are moving on. I hate to say it, if your husband can't come to peace with it... If he can't take action to fic himself, it won't change and the relationship will be as it is... Think of it this way: The same can be applied to YOU in your attempt to repair your relationships with these lesbians. If you don't do the work to correct, it'll keep happening and you'll keep being miserable. Like the lesbians, you have to do for you and not worry about what they think. So do you for this, and so does he. If it's meant to be, you will re-connect.

    One last thing. You say your husband is jealous, but I think it comes out of insecurity... You gave him a reason to be that way, but since he's agreeing to stay in the relationship, he has to find a way to fix it. And for him to rely on you making him a victim is pure BS. Like I would manipulate people saying "I'm an addict, I can't help it", BS... I was too lazy to put in work to do the right things and blamed my actions on obvious excuses.

    It's too late for me, but it is for the best. If you guys are still working on you then I wish you the best... He's so on the edge, he'll probably accuse you of online cheating since you are telling us this... My ex accused me of emotionally cheating by talking to friends, people online, and even going to the gym. I'd tell her cheating involves intent, and I was just being normal... I only mention this since your husband seems to be in the same place... Maybe your husband gets jealous/possessive when he sees the lesbians grope you. He may know you are not gay but knowing someone other than he is touching you brings him back to that dark place... That's tough for guys to handle.
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    #37
    @LZA Wow. So your wife slept with this man your co-worker and supposed friend who needed a place to stay. I am so sorry for you. I am sorry that this happened to you. Sounds like quite a lot to swallow. A double betrayal adds additional pain and suffering. Betrayed by 2 people ! How can your supposed friend betray you like that? Your friend Steve from Brooklyn is totally right.

    @LZA My husband refuses marriage counseling. He does not believe in telling a stranger our problems, let alone paying a stranger to "fix" them. My husband won't go to marriage counseling. I feel like he watches everything I do. It's like he watching over my shoulders. I can't breathe without feeling like I owe him an explanation. I don't think he understands what he's doing is slowly killing my love for him. .

    My husband has always been insecure and jealous but because of my affair he has lost trust in me. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 4 years. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to reassure him of my love for him, and it's killing our marriage.

    @LZA I have never been groped by a lesbian in front of my husband, but every time I go out without my husband I always have problems with women touching me, rubbing my back, bumping into me , touching my breasts, grabbing my butt, or bumping into my breasts. Women always approach me wanting to make small talk but it always seems like its more than that. I could be walking in a store and they entire area could be clear and women bump into me. They stare until it becomes uncomfortable. I could be standing by myself and the entire area would be clear and a woman would come and stand so close to me. Short , old, creepy, masculine lesbian women gravitate toward me like fruit flies on a banana AND THEY ALL WANT TO TOUCH. Almost no one ever asks, either.
    (This post was last modified: 06-06-2019, 03:52 PM by Stella 1977.)
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    #38
    My supposed friend only thought of himself and did what he wanted.YA, my wife betrayed me, but I also betrayed her by not coming clean, not talking things out. Or, I guess we betrayed each other. This MFer tried to move in on my spot after he ruined his family.

    It taught me a valuable lesson about how shitty people can be... People close to you. People who can't take the blame for anything they do.. They are always a victim of circumstance... What they don't realize it a victim of their OWN circumstance. My wife did what she had to do because I did what I did. I owned my part of it. But this guy straight up lied and took advantage. The only way I'd feel betrayed by her is if I did everything in my capability to make her happy and work the relationship, and she did that. But then as much as it would have hurt I would have realized she did it because she didn't love me. Can't help it, but have to accept it.

    Just like it sounds like these lesbos don't take the blame, or feel bad. They'll wreck your feelings to get what they want... People are just shitty.

    Your husband seems to be in a bad spot. He'll never be over it if he doesn't work for his peace. He may be mentally manipulating you now because you were in the obvious wrong. But he needs to either get over it or leave you. I wonder if he's afraid to think you cheated since there is something he couldn't give you... Fucking hurt like hell for me to realize it, but I couldn't ignore the facts. Instead of honesty and assertiveness in the relationship, I'd lie, harbor feelings and let things fester but not say anything to avoid a fight... I completely forgave her for cheating since I saw my part and understood her reasoning for it.

    If I was sober back then watching my fucked up self, I would have told her to leave me sooner... No way I was changing. Hate to say it, I wonder if these lesbos can change either, you may just have to start avoiding them completely.

    Therapy works well if you are brutally honest. You can't manipulate people to get them to feel for your side. I would go to therapy just so I can tell people I was going to therapy. I put no effort. With what it sounds like your husband will do since he doesn't want to go, is going just to say he's trying. I can't say if it'll work for you guys but I know 3 things. You don't know unless you try, If you go half-assed it won't work, and if you make no changes it'll only get worse.

    Could be many reasons why he doesn't want to go. Only you know him best to figure out why... Is he the private type not to get others into his business? Does he think therapy is witchcraft? And I have to say this because I'm thinking of it: Could it be, since your affair you took away his power/status in the relationship,he feels weaker. To you think he's trying to regain power and give you a taste of your own medicine by reminding you that you were the weak one who cheated? Meaning, he's holding onto the power he has over you by rubbing your nose in it as kind of a way to get revenge on making him feel bad? That was SUPER hard for me not to do... I really had to say to myself, if I'm going to figive, I'll do it and that's it. I wanted to blame all my shortcomings on her but that would simply not be the case... NO ONE should yield that much power to make you miserable...

    I'm not diagnosing, but if you know where he's coming from you can plan a strategy to get him to get help, or at least let it go. Maybe he's just frustrated since he doesn't know what to do.

    But I bet you are feeling frustrated on all sides. Some people cheat and don't give a fuck (my ex-friend... if I allowed him he could destroy my heart with what he said). but he's ot worth it. You admitted you fucked up, apologize profusely and often, and it falls on deaf ears... Now I'm wondering if you are afraid to speak up to these bull-dykes because when you advocate for yourself, no one listens... You kno they know you feel awkward but do it anyway...Your husband has a right to be pissed, but if he can't handle it he needs to move on. These dykes have no standing in your life so you should not feel bad telling them off because you did nothing to them. At this point who did what and when is not as relevant. Working on how the future will go is.
    Reply
    #39
    @LZA I’m sick of my husband’s manipulating and domineering ways. But I’m torn because we have 10 year old daughter. My husband is very likely to put me through hell if I ask for a divorce. I’m not sure I could put my daughter through that pain and damage her self esteem. I’ll always be there for my daughter no matter what because she is my 1st priority and i love her to death. a messy divorce is something i don’t want.
    Reply
    #40
    @Stella 1977 remember Tony's move in The Sopranos: go ahead and visit every big name divorce lawyer in your area, so he will be forced to hire some underdog. I mean, just in case.
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