Cosplay Boyfriend

Vadallat · 07-14-2013, 10:03 PM

I really don't care if you all know anything about cosplayers or think I'm a child for this ran.
My boyfriend of 10 months and I have it good. We were friends before we started dating, he was one of the big hitters to help me through my last break up with a guy I had been with for four years. Sweet, funny, a bit immature but that's what I get for dating a guy who is a bit younger than me. Not a lot mind you just four years younger than me. Now I know that ever couple always finds hinks within their partners that annoy them. Like I'm sure my constant apologizing must grate on his nerves. And how he kinds gets distant when groups of friends are around like he's not sure how to act as a couple around them.
Recently we went to our first convention as a couple and he just practically ditched me! I was so pissed and hurt. I seriously thought about not following him around to keep up with him. Just stop walking and see if he noticed I was gone. We talked about it afterwards to get some things cleared up, you know the don't hide your feelings crap from your partner. It was explained to me that he really didn't know what it was like to have a girlfriend with him at a con, he just started acting like he would at every other con he's been to. Told him he couldn't pull that crap anymore and leave me out in the cold. I had planned everything to be about us at that con. So if he pulls the same crap at this one coming up in August I am going to have every right to turn and walk another way. It's one of the biggest ones on the east coast so loosing me could be easy. And I'm going to go to the rave to dance my ass off, I wont miss it because he doesn't want to go and just wants to play Yu-gi-oh instead. But what really got me was this weekend. I hosted my annual cosplay party for my friends on Saturday. It was early and only a few people arrived. Now I'm a typical woman who loves love. The thing is I am also a cosplayer. So I ship (making parings) from different fandoms. Thanks to my boyfriend I have really been into DC comic and mainly Young Justice, SuperMartian all the way. (SuperBoy and Miss Martian.) Talking to one of my friends about our shippings, he another of our friends comes out to see what we are up to. We tell him and he high tails it back in the house in a joking manner. For shits sake, this is a guy who can say he wants to marry me and have children with me, but when I talk about a pairing what we cosplay together for the couple value of it he turns tail and runs. First off, does anyone have to foggiest of what this could mean? I mean I will be honest here, when I talk about or have anything to do with the shippings of characters we cosplay together, I means more to me than just wearing costumes together. I guess it's like a bit of role playing, yes I'm slightly into that. I tried to talk to him about it and all he said was he's not into shipping. I'm trying to talk logically here and not let my emotions fully take over. but I really just want to say "Fine, I'll just cosplay by my self and talk pictures with others who ship." Just stop cosplay with him altogether, it seems he just wants to roll in his own direction. I'm sort of taking that up at this next con. While he's being under a red hood, I'll be the she clown to hang all over a joker. I know I'm sounding childish, but it hurts. Costuming, cosplaying is something I do with people who I care so much about. And wanting to do a couple cosplay is a big deal. I don't want him to be like my ex who just didn't want to cosplay with me, just on his own. But it feels like it's going down that rout. I've tried talking but it doesn't work. I hate this. What can I do?

(This post was last modified: 07-14-2013, 10:42 PM by Vadallat.)

wildcard · 07-14-2013, 10:58 PM

I don't know anything about cosplay, but just in general I can see where it might be difficult to find a compatible mate when you are into a minority fetish/hobby/not-trying-to-be-offensive-at-all/thing that not many people are into. So maybe you have to settle a bit?

Now it seems you've run into a pattern with these cosplay guys that they are selfish fucks who only care about their own shit and not of your desires to have someone to share your passion with.

What can you do? Well, perhaps you can prioritize what you want and let that show you some options.

What do you want? Him? Or do you just want someone to share yourself with who will get you?

If you want him then just show him that you will leave (by leaving and staying gone for enough time that he believes it-- really believes it) and judge by his reaction. If he is still indifferent then you were barking up the wrong tree anyway-- if he is angry/stalkerish then you were barking up the wrong tree. If he is broken and miserable, then perhaps he will be okay Wink

If you just want someone to share yourself with then the above would work if you were willing to let go of him in the event that he failed the 'test'.

sporkium · 07-14-2013, 11:41 PM

(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: Talking to one of my friends about our shippings, he another of our friends comes out to see what we are up to. We tell him and he high tails it back in the house in a joking manner. For shits sake, this is a guy who can say he wants to marry me and have children with me, but when I talk about a pairing what we cosplay together for the couple value of it he turns tail and runs.

first of all, you two are friends with another guy who wants to marry and have kids with you?

yeah, it's always a good idea to keep that guy around... Undecided

Vadallat · 07-15-2013, 06:25 AM

(07-14-2013, 11:41 PM)sporkium Wrote:
(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: Talking to one of my friends about our shippings, he another of our friends comes out to see what we are up to. We tell him and he high tails it back in the house in a joking manner. For shits sake, this is a guy who can say he wants to marry me and have children with me, but when I talk about a pairing what we cosplay together for the couple value of it he turns tail and runs.

first of all, you two are friends with another guy who wants to marry and have kids with you?

yeah, it's always a good idea to keep that guy around...

I think you miss understood what I wrote, and that is my fault for not being clear. I was talking to one of my friends that is a girl, who is also a friend with him. She is no way interested in me. And the guy who wants to marry me is my boyfriend. He wants to marry me but apparently cant handle me talking about my shippings, and tends to forget me at convention. I am sorry if this wasn't clear.

sporkium · 07-15-2013, 08:11 AM

(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: he kinds gets distant when groups of friends are around like he's not sure how to act as a couple around them.

your friends or his?

(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: Recently we went to our first convention as a couple and he just practically ditched me! <snip> It was explained to me that he really didn't know what it was like to have a girlfriend with him at a con, he just started acting like he would at every other con he's been to.

it could be that you are bossy... you come off as bossy with needy undertones... but more bossy and controling... you might not think you are, but if you speak anything like you type... you are.

observe:

(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: Told him he couldn't pull that crap anymore and leave me out in the cold. I had planned everything to be about us at that con. So if he pulls the same crap at this one coming up in August I am going to have every right to turn and walk another way. It's one of the biggest ones on the east coast so loosing me could be easy. And I'm going to go to the rave to dance my ass off, I wont miss it because he doesn't want to go and just wants to play Yu-gi-oh instead. But what really got me was this weekend. I hosted my annual cosplay party for my friends on Saturday. It was early and only a few people arrived. Now I'm a typical woman who loves love. The thing is I am also a cosplayer. So I ship (making parings) from different fandoms. Thanks to my boyfriend I have really been into DC comic and mainly Young Justice, SuperMartian all the way. (SuperBoy and Miss Martian.) Talking to one of my friends about our shippings, he another of our friends comes out to see what we are up to. We tell him and he high tails it back in the house in a joking manner. For shits sake, this is a guy who can say he wants to marry me and have children with me, but when I talk about a pairing what we cosplay together for the couple value of it he turns tail and runs. First off, does anyone have to foggiest of what this could mean? I mean I will be honest here, when I talk about or have anything to do with the shippings of characters we cosplay together, I means more to me than just wearing costumes together. I guess it's like a bit of role playing, yes I'm slightly into that. I tried to talk to him about it and all he said was he's not into shipping. I'm trying to talk logically here and not let my emotions fully take over. but I really just want to say "Fine, I'll just cosplay by my self and talk pictures with others who ship." Just stop cosplay with him altogether, it seems he just wants to roll in his own direction. I'm sort of taking that up at this next con. While he's being under a red hood, I'll be the she clown to hang all over a joker. I know I'm sounding childish, but it hurts. Costuming, cosplaying is something I do with people who I care so much about. And wanting to do a couple cosplay is a big deal. I don't want him to be like my ex who just didn't want to cosplay with me, just on his own. But it feels like it's going down that rout. I've tried talking but it doesn't work. I hate this.

i could of pointed out some more key phrases, but the lack of paragraphs is making me feel nostalgic.

(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: What can I do?

nothing. put the 'friend' back into 'girlfriend' and stop trying to control his activities.

SkinnyP · 07-15-2013, 09:23 AM

(07-14-2013, 10:03 PM)Vadallat Wrote: Recently we went to our first convention as a couple and he just practically ditched me!...

...And I'm going to go to the rave to dance my ass off, I wont miss it because he doesn't want to go and just wants to play Yu-gi-oh instead.

If he wants to go off and do his own thing at a con, that isn't allowed, but you doing the same thing, is? That doesn't seem exactly fair. Why don't you watch him play or join in yourself? Because you don't enjoy it? Maybe he doesn't enjoy dancing. A compromise of some sort seems in order, maybe play some and then dance some. If neither of you can compromise somewhat in this or anything else, you will have problems.

You can't have your own way all the time, or he will get sick of it and leave. Just as you probably would if the situation were reversed.

System Folder · 07-15-2013, 06:57 PM

It sounds, to me, like you're smothering him; and he needs some alone time. A relationship is like a flower, it needs love once in a while for it to grow; but if it's over-loved, it will wilt and die. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give him some time to go off and do his own thing, and he'll love you even more. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be.