06-20-2019, 11:34 AM
Hello everyone, this isn't really a rant but I've been feeling really low and kind of wanted to share this.
So I'm a math student who's just finished his second year, going into his final year of his degree starting october. It seems like all my friends have found some sort of relevant work experience/internship over this summer except me. This initially caused me a lot of... anxiety I guess? but not the prescribed mental health kind, just general worry over not finding a job after I graduate. I've been pretty much applying to the best schemes looking for my degree, but honestly the whole process just makes me extremely anxious.
I've written a decent template for my CV and cover letter, I think I'm getting OK at adapting them, but whenever I talk to people about careers it always seems like I should be "doing research" and "finding out what interests me", but I've tried looking at various careers and honestly nothing interests me- I don't have any dreams or hobbies really, I do some sport to stay active and go out with friends, and it's hard to get "inspired" or whatever by a list of work you have to do to survive.
I've had some part time work experience- basically just part time grunt work to make enough money to socialise & save a little, and I'm fairly studious and kinda enjoy my degree subject, so it's not like I'm lazy; I have no idea why it causes me such distress to just throw myself at what feels like a brick wall of massive application forms over and over again.
I guess maybe because, although I've been out part-time job hunting before, every success has been because I know someone rather than the days I've spent dropping my CV everywhere, it just feels playing the numbers game with forms never works. Or maybe, because I'm applying to grad schemes, I just feel like I'm stretching my experience to try and meet the requirements when they're stuff like "knowledge of financial transactions" or when I have to write a cover letter and try and show some interest in whatever a particular company has done recently, I just feel like I'm trying to force my way into anywhere that will accept me, and perhaps subconsciously I'm thinking about all the other people who would be better qualified for a position. Everybody who knows me says I'm too hard on myself and I don't have any self esteem or whatever, but I don't really see the point of loving yourself or whatever when there is better people all around you.
It's not even like there's any real consequences for failure- my parents, although neither of them have been to university, are both really supportive and say I can stay after I graduate until I find a job, but the idea of being stuck at home in my mid 20s with no career would be the ultimate failure in my eyes, a burden on my aging parents with no direction in life.
But anyway, thanks to whoever read all the way through this for listening
So I'm a math student who's just finished his second year, going into his final year of his degree starting october. It seems like all my friends have found some sort of relevant work experience/internship over this summer except me. This initially caused me a lot of... anxiety I guess? but not the prescribed mental health kind, just general worry over not finding a job after I graduate. I've been pretty much applying to the best schemes looking for my degree, but honestly the whole process just makes me extremely anxious.
I've written a decent template for my CV and cover letter, I think I'm getting OK at adapting them, but whenever I talk to people about careers it always seems like I should be "doing research" and "finding out what interests me", but I've tried looking at various careers and honestly nothing interests me- I don't have any dreams or hobbies really, I do some sport to stay active and go out with friends, and it's hard to get "inspired" or whatever by a list of work you have to do to survive.
I've had some part time work experience- basically just part time grunt work to make enough money to socialise & save a little, and I'm fairly studious and kinda enjoy my degree subject, so it's not like I'm lazy; I have no idea why it causes me such distress to just throw myself at what feels like a brick wall of massive application forms over and over again.
I guess maybe because, although I've been out part-time job hunting before, every success has been because I know someone rather than the days I've spent dropping my CV everywhere, it just feels playing the numbers game with forms never works. Or maybe, because I'm applying to grad schemes, I just feel like I'm stretching my experience to try and meet the requirements when they're stuff like "knowledge of financial transactions" or when I have to write a cover letter and try and show some interest in whatever a particular company has done recently, I just feel like I'm trying to force my way into anywhere that will accept me, and perhaps subconsciously I'm thinking about all the other people who would be better qualified for a position. Everybody who knows me says I'm too hard on myself and I don't have any self esteem or whatever, but I don't really see the point of loving yourself or whatever when there is better people all around you.
It's not even like there's any real consequences for failure- my parents, although neither of them have been to university, are both really supportive and say I can stay after I graduate until I find a job, but the idea of being stuck at home in my mid 20s with no career would be the ultimate failure in my eyes, a burden on my aging parents with no direction in life.
But anyway, thanks to whoever read all the way through this for listening

"Did you really think I was the demon? The Demon of Empire City?"