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  • Anxiety
    The worst thing about anxiety is that everything about it is the worst thing. Another issue is that most people just brush it off. At least, the people I know do. They don't understand how hard it sometimes is. Let me give you an example:

    Im out of town for the month, mostly house hunting and spending time with my sister. So the day went well, yesterday I had a terrible stomach pain so today I spent the day reading and relaxing with warm drinks. Sounds great right. It was. Then the sun went down.

    Most people will tell you that anxiety gets worse at night. It's true. As everyone started relaxing and laying down to sleep I was suddenly gripped by the fear that something terrible was going to happen. The worst part was I didn't know why I felt this way. So my brain decided I was going to be murdered by a vengeful demon/ghost right as I drifted off to sleep.

    So I did what most do...

    I called my girlfriend and whined like a big baby about the pantry ghost trying to kill me over (possibly) a half empty can of Pringles.

    It made more since to me in the moment.

    After she had managed to calm me down and I was even laughing over all the scenarios we came up with about the evil pantry presence and what dastardly plans he had for a full bottle of vodka and a box of frosted flakes, I felt I was ready to go to sleep. So we exchanged "love you's" and hung up. I laid down, close my eyes, and sighed happily since my fear was now over.


    Then I felt a pain in my side.

    More specifically it was on my left under my ribs and felt like someone had shoved a baseball in there. So thats what I googled on my phone.

    Heart attack, google told me I was having a heart attack.

    At first a laughed it off, rolled my eyes and pushed my phone farther away from myself. Then I kept repeating what I had read over and over in my head.

    Soon, I was questioning what I was feeling. Whether I was short of breath. Was that a chill from the temperature or was my body trembling? Was I sweating out of fear or from my heart giving out? Was that In n Out burger I had for a quick dinner what pushed my heart over the edge and sealed my fait!?

    I found myself clutching my chest and feeling my pulse, tossing and turning, waiting for my dying breath. Then I sat up.

    I felt something rumble in my side before I let out one of the biggest burps of my life.

    Yes people, thats right. I panicked over a bit of gas.

    I spent the next five minutes glaring at the Dr Pepper can sitting on my side table like it had personally offended me and disrespected my mother.

    Now I find myself worrying about how I eat. Maybe I should go on a diet, eat better, give up junk food, meditate, swear off processed sugar and become vegan.

    The only thing I know for sure is, having anxiety sucks. And I'll beg my girlfriend to never let me leave the house without my medication ever again.
    (06-09-2017, 04:55 AM)sreijantje Wrote:  my anxiety only manifests itself when I'm asleep[I think}

    I find the opposite. My anxiety goes down at night. It's the day time that's bad for me.
    (This post was last modified: 01-23-2020, 03:50 AM by Bruening.)
    my anxiety only manifests itself when I'm asleep[I think}
    (06-08-2017, 06:03 AM)Bruening Wrote:  
    (06-09-2017, 04:55 AM)sreijantje Wrote:  my anxiety only manifests itself I'm asleep[I think}

    I find the opposite. My anxiety goes down at night. It's the day time that's bad for me.

    are these things mattersĀ  because some time i really feel the same anxiety issues
    wildcard liked this post
    It depends on the person and the specific situation...

    I have anxiety too. And I've felt it in really all cases.. I would say the best experience for me is to get to a point to say fuck it and let things roll out how they may... Once you realize things will happen anyway and are out of your control, you learn to cope with things differently.

    I've learned this since I am diagnosed with depression as well... I'm not saying it as a one up, but giving you my point of view on it. I hope it makes sense.

    Before the depression took over, my anxiety of always failing/things going wrong plagued my day and night. When I used to teach at my old job at an insurance company. I'd be nervous and get sick before class... If I knew beforehand, I'd be awake all night... Even stupid things like weightlifting... I'd psyche myself out because the fear of failing would define me (in my mind, and incorrectly) as either a failure or success. I didn't realize that is determined by how you handle things, not your actual results... I almost hate to say it because it sounds hokey but if you tried everything you can, and failed better than not doing everything you could.

    When the depression took over, anxiety was less because I just didn't care about anything, and I allowed the worst to happen. When I realized that the worst usually wasn't as bad as I thought, and if it was, I was still alive so I can change things, my thought of anxiety changed. I still like to keep some anxiety as I feel that keeps me sharp. I equated it to fire... Use it and it'll heat you and cook your food, let it get out of control and it'll burn the forest down. I thought I was slick because I never heard it before and thought I came up with it, but I guess another similar analogy was used... And I thought I was insightful...

    So it's not the circumstance but tools to deal with it that'll help... Once you figure that out, you can handle it whenever it comes up...

    Like SJ mentions, it fucks with my sleep because I get anxious that I'm not doing enough... Sometimes when you are too busy to think, it helps...

    Regardless, it sucks dealing with it, I know...

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