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  • A general college rant
    Life in college was once great as everyone was level footing. Everyone loved everyone. Or at least gave them a chance. Which meant as a perennialy friendless kid. I had a shot. As I was generally friendless until the 11th grade, I was always socially awkward. And I have anxiety issues and depression. Sometimes I refuse to speak to people as I'm sure it's annoy them. An irrational fear. Thus I was never really open with anyone. Distant. Now fastfowrd to 2 months ago.
    It was a friends birthday. This man was a cunt. I always knew he was sleazy and superficial. He is mr Cunt. At the start of our college life, he'd pretend to be friends with everyone. I never truly liked him.
    Mr crazy is the second person. My first impression of him was weird ass. Geniunley weird. In a kind of good way. Now as I ignore most people, I prefer to sit in the first bench. And he sits wherever I sit(80%) of the times. But he is close to MrCunt.
    Mr Metal is thhe third guy. Likeable. Nice guy. We are friends, we aren't that close.
    Mr Asshat he is the least likeable. He is petty and a pain. So he hates me cause he hated my best friend in school since my best friend and him didn't get along. Now he's a joke. People like him, but he's a joke. He's this creepy guy who'll violate anyones personal space until he's ignored. Sucky guy. So everyone trolls him. But if I say the slightest of things. He gets violent.

    Now of late, as I've distant. I've begin to see them start growing distant. And it's a paradox as I now miss them. I'm distant. But I expect love. Reasonable I guess.
    So here's the deal.

    Mr Cunt made birthday plans around me, after clearly stating I'm not invited. Thus, i think at this point. I stated maintaining physical distance as well. Even if we aren't close. Don't make plans like this. Then Mr. Asshat made plans. Didn't invite me. I found out when someone asked me. That was Mr Weird. I said no for obvious reasons.
    Then, the small things. When everyone breaks for lunch. No one waits for me. If I catch up, I'm not shooed away. But am I jusyified in being unwilling to go????? Then also of late, I've begin to realise they are all sharing secrets amongst each other.

    Weird and metal have shared secrets with me. But I'm not included in this shit. There is a secret "everyone knows". Aparently I'm Arya Stark.

    Now, this has made me feel bad. Naturally? Unjustified? For someone onlune told me she feels for me. But had I known her in person, she wouldn't make such an effort.
    True, but still, I considered them friends godamn it.

    And all this shit reminds me of school, being alone, no friends, no one to talk to. It sucked. And I'm scared I'm going to end up alone in life. I'm too shy to ask a girl if she's dating someone. I alienate myself. I've only had Diewithyou friends in 11th and 12th grades. I miss them and feel worse. I just don't even know. I need some support. For i can't explain this to anyone in college as it's a guilt trip. And that makes things worse.(did it once in tenth grade).
    It really really sucks. Almost everyone is part of a tight friend circle except me. But that may be my social anxiety.

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