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    how to make his friends not hate me? I screwed up
    #1
    So there's this guy (let's call him Jon) I have a really off and on thing with and I feel like the only thing really preventing him from taking it any further is because his friends really don't like me and they have good reason not to. Just to give a little background I'm a very shy and insecure person and Jon and his friends are all super outgoing and confident. Basically, what happened that made them dislike me so much was that when me and Jon first started seeing each other, idk what thought process I had with this, but I would never say hi to him and I would basically avoid the shit out of him at school. Apparently, his friends would always notice this and comment on it and they would be super annoyed with me, which I completely understand. They were also really annoyed with me bc Jon would ditch them to go hang out with me.There was also an incident when I was with my friends in my friend's car and we saw him and his friends in his car in a parking lot. For some unknown reason I didn't want Jon to see me and I clearly let my friends know that but the friend driving thought it would be funny if she pulled up in the parking spot right next to his. I completely freaked out when I saw her driving towards his car so I literally opened the car door and ran out and away from the area. Apparently after that, when my friends pulled up next to him and his friends, they told them how I had run away and he just told them he had to leave and drove away. After that happened, he was really upset and told me we should just be friends and see how it goes from there. He also told me that the friends who were in the car really didn't like me bc I ran away from him. We've been super off and on ever since that, like we agree to try again but we can never hang out because he's always hanging out with his friends since his friends are literally his life and they get pissed at him whenever he tries to hang out with me. I always tell him that it's okay when he can't hang out with me bc of them bc it's like they're his friends they've always been there for him and I haven't really been there and I know I've hurt him so I feel like I don't deserve his time as much, ya know? Like even in the present, I would see him places and I would STILL try to low-key avoid him, but I know I made it obvious I was avoiding him and his friends would notice it too. I don't know why I act like this, I guess I'm just afraid of rejection and I feel like I'm just annoying and a burden, but his friends clearly don't understand this and I don't expect them to. Writing this, I've realized, am I being too selfish for expecting him to hang out with me when I've wronged him in the past and continue to do him wrong? I know his friends persuade him not to hang out with me whenever we make plans and I know it's a dick move to just bail on someone like that, but in this situation, I get it. Bc of the way I acted in the past, all of his friends think I'm some stuck up bitch who doesn't put in any effort. Idk I feel like if I show him and his friends that im not like that, then it'll work out or ill at least not have that reputation. Any advice on how to prove myself worthy to his friends? Sorry if this seems really unimportant I just need a lot of help because this has really been affecting my mood lately and I don't like going to friends for this because they don't give the best advice.
    Reply
    #2
    So do you dislike his friends or are you willing to try to rectify the situation? You need to just act the same around him if his friends are there or not. Try to be friendly, stop avoiding him. When you're seeing someone in a relationship their friends are usually part of the package. Unless you want to try to completely split him from his friends you're going to have to get to know them and be comfortable hanging out with them. Otherwise why do you want to be in his life? Just to be a side dish when he's not busy with his main crew? Seems unsustainable.
    (This post was last modified: 06-15-2018, 08:26 AM by politux.)
    Reply
    #3
    (06-15-2018, 08:21 AM)politux Wrote:  So do you dislike his friends or are you willing to try to rectify the situation? You need to just act the same around him if his friends are there or not. Try to be friendly, stop avoiding him. When you're seeing someone in a relationship their friends are usually part of the package. Unless you want to try to completely split him from his friends you're going to have to get to know them and be comfortable hanging out with them.  Otherwise why do you want to be in his life? Just to be a side dish when he's not busy with his main crew? Seems unsustainable.

    Yeah that's true I guess I've just never been in a relationship where the guy is constantly with his friends like this. I'm definitely going to put in more effort to befriend them and talk to him more, let's just hope he's willing to do the same for me. Thanks for the advice
    Reply
    #4
    No problem, I hope it works out.
    Reply



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