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    Wash Your Ass
    Reading these posts reminds me of a story. This will be my bed time story since I'm going to get some sleep after this.
    My first job was a janitor at a nursing home. One night before I was going to leave, I get paged to mop up a floor in a patient room. As soon as I get off the elevator I almost get knocked over by the intense smell of shit. It's like the devil himself took a dump, and it only got worse as I got more towards the room. As soon as I got there two of the nurses aids were holding back their puke, and taking care of the patient that committed that heinous deuce snappage. It was all over the floor, the wall and the bed. One of the aids told me it was from a milk of magnesia that they gave him and the actual turd (which I didn't see) was about the size of a small baseball bat. So, I'm washing the floor when the two aids bring the patient across the floor that was wet & the patient started slipping. The 2 aids had each of this mans arms, and were slipping as well. They yelled at me to "get the chair" which was a shower chair right next to the bed that had yet to be cleaned. I ran over grabbed the chair, & not realizing I too was walking on the wet floor, did a Nestea plunge falling back in the bed. As soon as I hit the bed (the fall felt like it was going in slow motion) I felt instantly wet. the two aids started laughing like hell. I was babbling like a bitch about being covered, went down to the maintenance room where the pressure washer was, stripped & hosed myself off. Two other things I remember was my car smelling like shit for the next day or so (It was a VW GTI) and when I actually got home my mom yelled at me "did you shit your pants on the way home?" Ahhhhh good times...
    (This post was last modified: 05-25-2013, 05:32 AM by LZA.)
    Speaking of washin one's body, did you know Victoria was the "cleanest woman of her times"? And do you know why??

    Because she "bathed once in every 6 months whether she needed it or not".

    My crew is in the house
    Terra, Herb McGruff, Buddha Bless
    Big Twan, Killa Kam, Trooper J, and Mike Boogie
    And I'ma set it like this...

    [Image: rockon.gif]
    Victoria was very considerate then!
    Sometimes it is a matter of perspective.

    [Image: flow-chart-shithead-and-asshole.jpg]

    Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
    - Robert A. Heinlein
    ^^^ Pretty much truth in the corporate world...Sometimes it's not so hard to understand how I had a goddamned breakdown!!!
    The best way to keep your ass clean on a daily basis, is to have access to a good quality toilet and a generous supply of two-ply toilet paper.
    Personally, I don't like the cheap sub-$100 toilets with their 15" high round bowls. They are too low for me, as I am a 6' tall guy.
    I prefer comfort height toilets with 16.5" to 18" high elongated bowls.
    These days, I use a Kohler Portrait K-3506 comfort height single piece toilet with an anti-slam dampened descent toilet seat.
    With a current list price of $1478, it is rather on the expensive side, but I received mine as a gift from a plumber friend some years ago.
    It looks like this:

    [Image: zaa64614]
    (This post was last modified: 08-24-2013, 08:16 PM by velvetfog.)

    Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
    - Robert A. Heinlein
    How about bidets? WTF is with those things? I don't want water squirting all over my ass after I just took a dump.

    And how about airline food? Am I right?

    that those with no rights,
    display the right to have no life, to have respect they must accept
    a world commiting suicide
    Don't put airplane food up your ass. Confused
    Stick to using toilet paper.

    [Image: shit-be-gone.jpg]

    Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
    - Robert A. Heinlein
    Any kind of food is supposed to go out your ass... I've never used a bidet... Must be like an enema, no?
    A bidet simply sprays water onto your bum and genitals, cleaning you on the outside.
    An enema is done by sticking a nozzle up your asshole, filling your bowels with liquid, which is subsequently ejected.

    Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
    - Robert A. Heinlein

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