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So may I rant about my roommate?
#1
My roommate and I have been best friends since day one of college. It was always her, me, and another girl. A year and a half ago, we decided to move in together since I was moving out from my dorm and living alone could get a little lonely. But ever since then, I feel like she changed. I mean yes, I understand that change is natural and a good thing, but in this case, I feel like she's become super dependent and insecure while being self-centered, with a really bad case of superiority complex. Frankly, I feel like her pushy bitch now.

Where to start…
We are both from the US (our families are still back home), but we came abroad for college, so its sometimes really hard for us, considering the cultural differences, mostly when it comes to socializing. My roommate's had this bad. She's never really been the type who's aware, so she misses a lot of things, like social cues, even when its pretty loud and clear. Before, this never really bothered her, so she was just the cool kid who didn't really give a damn, but now, she does. I guess it was ok to be somewhat a lone wolf freshman year, but not if it lasts until junior year. Now, she complains how she doesn't have any friends and keeps me up at night crying about this. So I try to invite her to hang with my friends. Wrong idea. Even though I was the one who invited her to MY friends, she walked and talked as if they were hers and pushed me aside. They were a little weirded out.

Another instance of her dependency,insecurity and jealousy manifesting, was when we went to hookah together, she got drunk and started talking to the people next to us. I like her when she's drunk, because she doesn't whine, or be a debbie downer, or complain and compare. She just gets loud and happy. So thats how i thought this night was going to turn out. Basically, thats what happened, except terribly. She always talks about how much she doesn't care about what people think or much about others, being the strong woman she is (ironic how she always complains to me how she doesn't like that she can't get along with people and that she thinks people think of her as the weird kid to push aside…) but i guess she doesn't think about what i think or much about me either. She basically turned her back against me like literally, on our night we had planned to catch up over hookah, and started talking--shouting---(shes loud) with these people next to us. In the end, they loved her for being drunk and crazy and hated me for being quiet and kind of hurt. She complained to me that night how I was being the downer of the night, and that her behavior was something I always did to her. Just because she got the attention more than I did, doesn't mean that I should be jealous, apparently. just unbelievable. A. I would never do that to my friends with a stranger B. I was hurt that she would choose to spend time with these random people instead, even though I had blown off my boyfriend for this "catching up" and C. I could careless if she got the attention or not. I'd actually be happy if she got the attention, since she keeps me up on test nights how nobody sees her or cares about her, or how she's such a loner. (ahem. arnt I up with you until 4am listening to you complain? am i "nobody"?)

EIther way, I got a chance to run into these guys again, and they turned out to think that I was OK, so they invited me to come to their party, but did not invite my roommate, given that she was not there and that the host did not know her. And commence the jealousy. Again, she complains that I have friends and that she doesn't, then accuses me that they were her friends first. I told her that she should come too, and that the invitation was just basically luck, that I ran into them, became friends with the host, and so on. On the day of the party, we all had dinner together, but she could not get in, since she wasn't on the guest list which was finalized the day i was asked. We were planning to go clubbing after, so I told her that I will meet her somewhere once the dinner was over which was maybe around 10pm. I told her to get some alcohol before meeting me, so she could be at the same drunk level as us. She called me at 10pm and I told her that none of us is leaving yet. Then she started yelling at me. She complained how it was 10 and how she doesn't understand why I can't come out and have drinks with her. I told her how I paid 40 bucks for the all you can eat dinner/drinks and that I was going to get her as soon as we all started moving. But she just got pissed off at me while I was super drunk, just because she couldn't bare the thought of waiting or running to some cafe to drink just one drink alone. So I went to pick her up and joined her to the group, which was welcoming since i had talked to them about her earlier so that she wont be a complete stranger when she arrived. And obviously, she just goes off with this fresh feel of attention and goes about it as if she owns the place.
This: her weird insecurity, dependency, and feeling of superiority is really annoying me these days… its pretty bad.

I have a lot more to rant, but this is it for now.

I think she needs to find some friends, but I think I need to be more independent too. I shouldn't feel bad for her or feel obligated to her. Like I know that it was my choice in the end to stay up with her to listen to her the night before the test, and so on, but its just hard sometimes because I want to be a good friend, but I can't let her drag me down with her too.
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#2
i believe i have a solution to your problem, but first i will require some more information.

what do you and her look like? pictures will be most helpful.
"Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
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#3
Has she always had a problem making friends on her own? How did she become friends with you? From what you are telling us, it sounds like you were the more outgoing one, and had to introduce her friends to you since she couldn't make connections herself. And you say she doesn't get the "social cues"...Do you think she doesn't really get them or she does, but ignores them for some reason.

When you say she says she doesn't care about what others think, usually means she does care, but she's trying to talk herself out of it. Sounds like she unsure of her own footing as far as where she thinks she should be as far as fitting in is concerned. I can tell you from personal experience that not fitting in sucks, so when you feel like you finally are fitting in, you try to grab that and run. Maybe that's why she's so blazon with her actions now. That may be a possibility, I don't really know.

My advice is to do what you need to do to make yourself happy. I'm not sure what that is (getting away from her, or staying by her side to make sure she's ok).

And .....posting pics would be good to so pervert Spork can give you his analysis Smile
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#4
(01-28-2014, 12:43 PM)sporkium Wrote: i believe i have a solution to your problem, but first i will require some more information.

what do you and her look like? pictures will be most helpful.

Alright, well we look like typical 21 year old college girls with dyed hair and brown eyes, Im 5'2 and she's 5'5. I think were pretty ok fashionable, like we don't look like scrubs except when were home, and we take care of ourselves (pretty well groomed), like would any other college girls our age...Except I don't really see how that's going to help with my situation here, since Im not talking about her and relationships but talking about her and friendships. Not posting pictures on forums,but Thanks for trying to help!

(01-28-2014, 02:01 PM)LZA Wrote: Has she always had a problem making friends on her own? How did she become friends with you? From what you are telling us, it sounds like you were the more outgoing one, and had to introduce her friends to you since she couldn't make connections herself. And you say she doesn't get the "social cues"...Do you think she doesn't really get them or she does, but ignores them for some reason.

When you say she says she doesn't care about what others think, usually means she does care, but she's trying to talk herself out of it. Sounds like she unsure of her own footing as far as where she thinks she should be as far as fitting in is concerned. I can tell you from personal experience that not fitting in sucks, so when you feel like you finally are fitting in, you try to grab that and run. Maybe that's why she's so blazon with her actions now. That may be a possibility, I don't really know.

My advice is to do what you need to do to make yourself happy. I'm not sure what that is (getting away from her, or staying by her side to make sure she's ok).

And .....posting pics would be good to so pervert Spork can give you his analysis Smile

Thanks for all the suggestions!! So insightful!!
The funny thing is, is that she wan't really like this in high school. She was in that "popular group" and have dated the school hotties and all that comes with being in the "in-crowd" of high school.

You're right, I was the one who introduced myself first. Also, I think you're right that she may be ignoring the social cues since she does sometimes gets into the whole rebellious thing in which she tries to prove that she "isn't like EVERYONE else who just blatantly follows what's expected" kind of attitude, and misuses it.
I think you may be right, we are definitely in that mid-college-crisis where we're just wondering what's next and worrying about the future, trying to make the best of these "golden" years, so she's unsure of her footing with i guess many things. But that's kind of what we are ALL going through, maybe its just her way of reacting to it. I don't know either XP

Thanks, that maybe the only solution! I'll just have to find whatever makes me happy... which, i have no clue. I just know for sure that I will not be posting pics on this thing Tongue
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#5
That's the struggle we call life. Trying to figure out the best thing to do, but ultimately, the best thing to do is take care of yourself, because you are the only one you have to put up with 24 hours a day, seven days a week. make sure you take care of what you need to do so you have no regrets. If she was the popular girl, I wouldn't feel any pity since you know she knows how to take care of herself. Just do what protects yourself.

ps: about the pics: I agree I wouldn't either. Spork can go to chickswithdicks.com to get off when ever he likes. you take care.
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#6
(01-29-2014, 05:01 AM)itskylieee Wrote: Alright, well we look like typical 21 year old college girls with dyed hair and brown eyes, Im 5'2 and she's 5'5. I think were pretty ok fashionable, like we don't look like scrubs except when were home, and we take care of ourselves (pretty well groomed), like would any other college girls our age...Except I don't really see how that's going to help with my situation here, since Im not talking about her and relationships but talking about her and friendships. Not posting pictures on forums,but Thanks for trying to help!

the reason being is that you have jealousy issues and my guess is that you think she is more attractive than you are. it's a common thing among girls. i would take the time to try to explain this basic psychological concept to you but i already know how the conversation will go and you should be covering this topic is psych 101.

to cut everything short, the issue is your own, and not your friend's. i would explain more, but for some reason i think you made all that up.
"Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
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#7
@itskylieee , If you log on again, let me know what you decided. I'm curious to know how you've made out with all of this.
Reply
#8
(01-29-2014, 05:01 AM)itskylieee Wrote: Alright, well we look like typical 21 year old college girls with dyed hair and brown eyes,

That sounds suspiciously like a male stereotype idea of what a college girl looks like. Confused
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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#9
Maybe the stereotype rings true?
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