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My current issues
07-26-2017, 04:30 AM
Post: #1
My current issues
So this has elements concerning friends but these issues are also internal so I thought them more general. So i'll give you a bit of background. I am a 14 year old, straight white guy in an all boys catholic private school. That is me and I am not into sports, a bit more unconventional. I like art and writing etc. but and can enjoy reading but I am much more about doing it my self. I'd like to be a social person but honestly, I feel I fall short in some of those aspects... like these problems I will list are going to be standard but honestly, i need somewhere to talk.

So basically my core issues come around my social life. I am aware everyone has these issues at my age but again, having that knowledge doesn't change these stupid teenage hormones. I was in a position for the last few years where I was with this group of people I hated and only ended up being their friends through circumstance. I got heaps of shit from being with them and they were called the "gay group". Now, i don't know if they were and thats besides the point but I only ended up with them after I realised in year 7 (australian schooling system btw) that the only friend I had in my class was one of them from year 6 (our school has yr 5 and 6 as well). So I went with him and it ended up with me being with them. That year also had a shit ton of fighting with this guy i'll call Chaz. I got offended about him essentially ignoring me as he was one of the new kids who arrived in year 7. He kind of took over my best friend from year 5 and 6 and I feel left out, 3rd wheel etc. Just like to point out that he was a homphobe here. Something i'd love to focus on in the next paragraphs with this little satan spawn.

Year 8 passed and i made a descision to chnage schools for year 9 because I felt I didnt have enough interaction with girls. I became good friends with Chaz. Year 8 in all was boring.

I came into year 9 and after 5 weeks, decided to leave the school as I didn't feel i'd do there well academically. Not because it was a bad school, but because it was different and really didn't mix with me and made me constatntly anxious and stressed. I moved back.

Was back with the group which I now call PIE. There is a reason for this for which I won't go into but they will be reffered to as PIE from now on. There are 3 of them. I felt better I was back at my original high school but I felt uncomfortable socially. I decided to make an eventual progression to changing to a new and different group I call "The Chills". Around this time we had a dance which we met a whole load of girls who we integrated into our group. It was also around this time 3 friends simeoultaneiously came out to me. My childhood friend who I settled things out with (the one in the Chaz fight), my suicidal friend (would find out later) W and of all people, Chaz.

They made a group chat and invited me in it and I felt cool I was in this secret. Also imagine how incomforatble it was having being constantly surrounded by LGBT posts and gay referecnes as well as fucking gay porn sent from Chaz. I felt left out, very very excluded and very very uncomfortable. It was also around here T (the childhood friend) and W came out that they had a relationship going on. It ended a month later and then W said he was straight and he was manipualted by T because of his depression or something.

PIE pissed on me for essentially ignoring me which was a dick move on my part. I made a term long transition to the new group and Chaz had a fight with W about his depression (he is clinically tested for it or soemthing so its real) and causes a major fight with the girls as well. They all hate him and everyone goe crazy and he says he manipualted everyone. I was disgusted. Guess what happened but a few days later. Peace and everyone foregtting what Chaz did. I don't know if it's me holding a grudge but that was disgusting and everyone forgave him for what he said.

Chaz was also at the time trying to move groups mainly so he could be with his crush which I will call Mitch. This was all a similar group but I avoided the Mitch group because I didnt want trouble. Chaz again around this time in term 2 gave everyone "heart colours" and mine was purple because I was proud and arrogant. This deeply hurt me and I asked why. He said it was because in year 7, I said I was the king of everybody and the the P in PIE was my Jester and that they were my subjects. This never happened as i only came to dislike them in year 8 after many dramas with them. He lied and it angered me so thoroughly I stopped talking to him, keeping him at a distance.

A friend of mine in the chill group called I had a B'day party and I was invited much to my surprise. I posted photoes on my Snapchat, Chaz found out and made a big fuss on a chat with the girls, which HAD I. He said he felt so left out etc. I then apologised and said he'd invite him to next events. Chaz also gave I $100 on the Monday after for his B'day because his parents are supposedly rich while me and the others who went gave nothing. Now, I know that was bad on my part but the way I made it sound, it was a just a hang out at the markets and not something big and that we shouldnt bring stuff.

Chaz was further invited to all events in the holidays and so was I as i began to make better friends with those in the group. i didn't mind him but it was slightly awkward. Now we come to the last two weeks. After a whole month of pretty much bliss and positivity, a chnage on my chracter, it stopped yersterday when I just felt sad for some reason. I realised that I had stopped hanging out with the Chills as much and I felt like i socially failed. I saw Chaz goin over to the other branch of the chills and they all seemed to like him and honestly, I felt jealous. I really did. What did I do wrong. This kid who was constantly beat me at everything and always had his way. The girls always listened to him and he was always respeted. And I was kinda just thrown around. I was given shit for rnadom things and being smart and not liking sports.

It also didn't help that Chaz bragged about how on the last dance, last week he got all these girls and he started humble bragging about how it was too much for him and started "panciking" that he got ivnited to their snapchat group.


Look, theres so much more but i dont know how to collect my thoughts and I feel really sad that I cant make good friends and I feel horrible now. I just want to be liked. It's all ive wanted. I just wanted some people to like me. I cna't help wanting those perfect highschool groups in those movies. I know its unobtaianble but putting that in my face makes me sad. I know im probably just jealous of Chaz but I don't know. I hate being jealous. I hate it. But I can't help feeling that emotion towards this kid that always has to be there in my life, fucking it over and making me depressed. I am a naturally happy person but it's like he brings me now for being me. I hate it.

I just want someone to talk to...
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