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    Just ranting to get things off my chest!
    #1
    Tongue 
    Not really asking advice, just ranting. It makes me feel better sometimes to see it written down c:

    I'm going to rant about my aunt first. She is always telling me what a shitty person I am for EVER leaving the house, because my grandmother requires constant care and supervision. She thinks that me and my mother should give up our lives to care for my grandmother by ourselves until she passes away. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem taking care of my grandmother, I just wish I could actually do it myself like she seems to think I can. My grandmother weighs 145 lbs and is bed ridden, but my mother still makes me lift her and put her into her wheel chair or take her to the toilet. My aunt seems to think I can lift my grandmother with ease, and that I should be sitting by her side at all times in case she needs something. When I got a job, my aunt told me I was pathetic, and was nothing but shit. When I started college, she said I just needed to kill myself for ever considering going to college. She said that I think I'm better than her, because I keep telling everyone I want to have a career and start my own family someday. She is always telling me to kill myself for ever thinking of being my own person. "God didn't put you on this earth to he selfish and go to college. He put you on this earth to take care of your grandmother. Nothing else." Is what she told me yesterday when I was leaving school.
    My grandmother isn't the best person to take care of either. She refuses to take her medicine, and makes sure to tell me I'm fat, ugly, and stupid every morning. She tells me constantly that I'm going straight to hell for wanting to "go to college and leave" her. I remember when I told my mom I wanted to have kids someday, my grandmother made sure to tell me that if I ever brought a baby into "her" house, she would drown it in the bath tub then throw it in the streets.
    My mom is always telling me to ignore her, because my grandmother has been diagnosed with bipolar and dementia. She always says, "She doesn't know what she is saying." No, she knows what she is saying, she just wont remember having said it within a few hours. I keep trying to explain to my mother that I am not physically or mentally able to care for my grandmother. I cannot lift her, because she is dead weight, and that I refuse to be around someone who threatens to murder any children I ever have.
    I want to have a life. I lay in bed every night crying because I wish I could feel young again. I'm 20 years old, and feel like I'm trapped. People say that if I can't handle this, I would never make a good mother or teacher. Am I wrong for wanting to live my life the way *I* want to? Instead of how I'm told to live it? I want to go to college, and become a teacher. I even want to have my own family someday. I don't want to die like people seem to think, but i just don't want to live this way. I want to live, and plan to live, but I just wish things would change for once. I became my grandmothers part time care taker at 12 years old when she first got sick, and I became her full time caretaker at 17 when I switched to online school, only to end up dropping out completely. I have tried so many times to make my life better. I got my GED, and passed the test my first try without studying or taking any classes. I started college, and got a part time job... Yet it feels like I have gone nowhere. I hate to be selfish, but I want to live! I want to go to college, become a teacher, travel, fall in love a million times, get married, and have kids and a freaking French bulldog!
    Okay I'm done ranting :x I will shut up now![/align]
    Reply
    #2
    I read your post quickly. I'm sorry if I miss some points but I think I got the jist to give you what I think.

    You are 20. No reason for you to be living your live in any way aside from how you want it... Does your aunt got it in good with god who says you have to take care of your family members??? NO, You are the god of your own life. Do things because they come out of the good of your heart, NOT because you're expected to.

    YOu have to live with yourself, so you should take care of yourself first, then others. Your mom's right. She doesn't know what she says...Shes pisses because if you don't do it, Shre'll have to.


    I say fuck it and give yourself a break for once...
    Reply
    #3
    You deserve a break. From what I read, you are a kind and generous person. Love yourself first, statistically, you would outlive your grandmother, though I hope everyone involved has a long and lovely life, so if you devoted your prime studying time to her, what are you gonna do for a living when she's gone? Go do you. Do your thing. Be great. You are wonderful. and wow passing your GED without studying, you can be a doctor if you wanted. Don't worry about them, they're the ungrateful ones. And no offence or anything, but your grandmother seems more mentally ill than with bipolar and dementia. It must be hard growing up in a home without support for education or autonomy. But just think about it this way, if there is a limited number of times you can be unlucky, you just used majority of your unluckiness in your childhood, and because the only way from rock bottom is up, the future is brighter. Cheesy, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
    Reply



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