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Illusion of a choice
#1
I feel like I never had a choice in my life because literally everything has to be done in accordance to my family's wishes. There are a lot of big examples, but what really gets to me is the smaller incidents.

For example:
My mother got some kind of discount to a salon. She asks me whether I want to dye my hair. My answer is no, I like my hair black as it is.

Her response? Literally keep going and going about how it will make me prettier and more desirable to boys and in the end threaten to take away my phone/stuff (I bought them with my own money that I saved up) until I relented. 

Another one, still hair-related. She thought I would look pretty with hair curled at the ends. I said no, I like wearing it straight. Her response? Threaten to break my stuff and make me choose between having my haor permanently curled or curl it myself with the tool whenever I go out, what the fuck? What is the fucking difference?

Then, there is the most recent incident of asking me if I want to go on a jog. My answer was no, I have to go early the next day, and I need to be, you know, not tired. Her response? Yet again, threaten me, and when I brought up how she never gave me a choice, she brought up that my weight went up by 2 ounces (god forbid I point out that the scale literally changes with each attempt). It isn't like I don't want to go AT ALL, just not on that day because I have to go early. HOW HARD IS IT TO GRASP? HOW? I AM FUCKING FREE THE DAY AFTER THAT AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT AS MY SCHEDULE IS PRETTY STATIC! The worst thing? She made my sisters gang up on me when I pointed it out - they were obsessed as fuck with the scales, and it was five on one so I would lose anyway.

I'm tired. I was never able to choose what to do with my body, and my sisters said it was no big deal and all my mother did was try to help, but it just hurt, and I want out even though some part of me said that they were just small incidents not worth getting upset about.

I've never done drugs or similar substance abuse, and I've always turned to writing to solve my problems. But, the longer this goes, the more I think that I really should try alternative means of escape...
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#2
(08-22-2018, 10:32 AM)Kaancha Wrote: For example:
My mother got some kind of discount to a salon. She asks me whether I want to dye my hair. My answer is no, I like my hair black as it is.

Her response? Literally keep going and going about how it will make me prettier and more desirable to boys and in the end threaten to take away my phone/stuff (I bought them with my own money that I saved up) until I relented. 

Another one, still hair-related. She thought I would look pretty with hair curled at the ends. I said no, I like wearing it straight. Her response? Threaten to break my stuff and make me choose between having my haor permanently curled or curl it myself with the tool whenever I go out, what the fuck? What is the fucking difference?

---

I've never done drugs or similar substance abuse, and I've always turned to writing to solve my problems. But, the longer this goes, the more I think that I really should try alternative means of escape...

I'm having trouble visualizing the hair thing... you should post a pic or something.

Drugs. Many famous and successful people have built entire careers and families on drugs.
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#3
Get educated in a field that will make you some money, work your ass off. Get a degree and a job then you can tell your mother to piss off.
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