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    Friendship Problems
    #1
    Yo, so, I came here since I need to get something off my chest.

    Myself and my friend are young mums who met through a cousin we share , though we aren't related to each other we bonded over our mutual love for pop punk music, being young single mothers and just a genuine interest in other topics our other friends never liked. I ultimately ended up moving close to her from where I lived in another city, and she was my only friend here.

    She works full time and was having difficulty getting her son to school in the morning (she starts work at 7 - school starts at 9), and was paying redic amounts in childcare because of it. I offered to take him, though at that time my son was only in nursery (12-3) but I didn't mind waking at 6.39 so she could drop her son off for work.

    All was going well, I met her other close group of friends and we too hit it off.

    It's been a few months and things just seem to be cracking. My son is in full time education, so now when her son is dropped off its easier as I'm taking both boys to school at the same time. More it's our relationship that's showing strain.

    Since I don't work, she's began signing up to things (gym, going to gigs, dates etc) as she knows I'm around the corner to babysit. I never minded at first, when she asked id agree. But recently she's been inviting me round to sleepover and watch movies, and when I get there she's heading out... To the gym, on dates, to see her other friends etc. She tells me she'll be back at 6-7 to put her son to bed and we can hang out.

    Not exactly ideal, but I can handle that, since it only happens around 3 times a week (other times her mum watches her son).

    But over the last few days she been inviting me around to watch movies on a night every night, since I don't pay for movie service with my TV. However, when I arrive she goes to the gym etc, we put the kids in bed for 7 and then... Her other friend shows up. It then turns into not watching the promised movie but sitting around listening to music chatting. OR, she gets back from the gym, has a shower and says she's too tired to watch a film and goes right to bed. it doesn't sound awful, but after the first TEN times this has happened in a row I'm now beginning to see a pattern...

    Is the only reason she suggests these movie nights to get me around to babysit whilst she goes to the gym? (I've heard her complain when her other friend comes round that her mums work patterns have shifted and she can no longer babysit). If that's the case why not SAY something? That way I could, at least, babysit from my house rather than dragging me and my son over for a promised 'movie' night that never happens.

    I just feel like she's using me to babysit with the promise of watching films and having a fun night which ultimately just never happens.

    Literally sat at hers right now pissed off because she's just back from the gym and announced her other friend is coming around (again) so we'll have the movie night tomorrow. I hate to sound like I don't appreciate her friendship but I could be at my own house right now instead of sitting here the third wheel whilst they chat about their past school days and whatever. But I feel like if I turn down the movie night I'm leaving her in the lurch for a babysitter?

    Idk. I'm just feeling a bit used right now and need some reassurance that I'm not feeling it for no reason lol.
    Reply
    #2
    (01-11-2016, 02:15 PM)WhatTheActual Wrote:  Idk. I'm just feeling a bit used right now and need some reassurance that I'm not feeling it for no reason lol.

    we don't do reassurance: friendship problems? no friends, no problems.

    seriously, why don't you just invite her over for movie night and go to a strip club or something. that'll show her.

    other than that... two single moms... alone on movie night when an unexpected friend shows up? sounds kinda hot. Wink

    "Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
    Reply
    #3
    (01-11-2016, 02:15 PM)WhatTheActual Wrote:  I just feel like she's using me to babysit with the promise of watching films and having a fun night which ultimately just never happens.

    Bingo.

    Ultimately, you know what the truth is. The benefit of watching movies was worth coming to chill with her, so you have been lead by this person dangling a carrot on a string.

    The thing to remember here is that nothing drastic is required to solve this problem for yourself. It is as simple as declining all future invitations you receive from her to watch movies. She is using you as a babysitter and fallback-friend. I see no reason that you should want to be this person's friend. jmo
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