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Family issues
04-05-2014, 03:36 PM
Post: #1
Question Family issues
My issue is this....I'm having some family issues as of late. I know, I know, everyone has them, it's just...I need some advice. First a little back story. Two years ago I met my current boyfriend. Right away my mother didn't like him. Well in all fairness my boyfriend is 30 years older than me. I'm 25 and he's 55. I could understand her point of view (I'm not stupid, I didn't expect her to embrace my relationship with open arms) Also, just to let you all know, me and my boyfriend met online and are currently in a long distance relationship. I've gone to seem him 3 times now and he's come to visit me once. He truly is the love of my life. Things are difficult for him financially now, so he doesn't want me moving in with him until he's on his feet again. Okay...now onto the family issues. Me and my dad have never had the greatest of relationships (and please spare me the 'you have daddy issues that's why you're dating an older guy' babble'. That's not the case.) So yeah...ever since I was little my mom and dad would argue. When I was little I use to hide inside my closest and cry when my parents would fight. They always threatened to leave one another and how I prayed they would. I've always been able to speak to my mom about things, but I've always not been able to voice my thoughts to my dad. I'm now 25 years old and they are still arguing. I feel very, very confined lately. I mean I'm 25 years old and living at home still under not so great circumstances. Besides video chatting and the occasional visit to go see my boyfriend, there is one silver lining. My Grandpa. He came to live with me, my brother and parents over 10 years ago. Me and him have developed a very strong bond. I can talk to him about anything. It may seem hateful, but there are times I wish that he could have been my father instead. Now here's my dilemma. In a year or so my boyfriend said I can move in with him. I really want to do just that. I want to go live with him out in the country and get a job and be away from my family. I do love my mom and dad. I do. I just...am tired is all. Tired of their constant fights. I feel bad about leaving my Grandpa though. He often tells me how if it weren't for me he'd be dead. He says he don't know how he'd survive without me. Whenever I mention eventually moving in with my boyfriend my mom throws fits. She says that I'm choosing him over her and that I'm abandoning her. She makes me feel so guilty about this decision. Like I'm the bad guy. I've always tried to make everyone around me happy. I don't like hurting anyone. But by me staying where I am right now I'm hurting myself. How can I break free from this place without feeling guilt? My mom makes me feel like I'm a horrible person for doing this to her. I just need some advice. Please. I'm sorry this was so long. Thanks if you read it all.
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04-05-2014, 04:03 PM
Post: #2
RE: Family issues
(04-05-2014 03:36 PM)nevilleconnie Wrote:  How can I break free from this place without feeling guilt?

You can quit blaming yourself for things you can't control. Guilt is a complex that is voluntarily chosen by people who choose not to accept the reality that they cannot control every situation in their sphere.

Prioritize and then choose based on your own needs/wants rather than making your choices based on others. It sounds selfish because it is-- if you can't deal with cutting the cord then you must live with your situation.

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04-05-2014, 04:08 PM
Post: #3
RE: Family issues
[/quote]It sounds selfish because it is

Hmm...I suppose you're right about that. I suppose everyone of us has made selfish decisions in our life's at one point or another. I really do have to learn with being okay with doing so myself. Thank you for your input.
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