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Dispute with the Missus
07-06-2014, 03:58 AM
Post: #1
Dispute with the Missus
So she came bursting into the front room and gave me a swift roundhouse kick to the face, got me in a headlock and began choking me. My apendix exploded and i shat myself. As the blood drained from my head i shat myself again. I begged for mercy as she body slammed me into the antique mahogany bookshlef and as my life flashed before my eyes i shat myself. Undeterred she bit off my face, snapped my fibula and dismantled my rib cage. She started screaming... 'BYYYYOORRGGG!' and in one monumental expression of profound horror my bowels exploded and the universe folded in on itself.
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07-06-2014, 05:39 AM
Post: #2
RE: Dispute with the Missus
don't worry,these things don't mean anything other than an expression of love,it gets serious if she tries to rip off your balls,then you better confess to some sort of misbehaviour

consistency is the hobdob
of small minds[
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07-06-2014, 09:23 AM
Post: #3
RE: Dispute with the Missus
Left the toilet seat up again, eh?
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07-06-2014, 04:26 PM
Post: #4
RE: Dispute with the Missus
Always remember that the wife will win all the arguments between the two of you.

If you say anything to contradict her after she has had her say, this does not mean that you have won the argument.
You have instead been foolish enough to start the next one.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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07-06-2014, 05:29 PM (This post was last modified: 07-06-2014 05:56 PM by T-bone.)
Post: #5
RE: Dispute with the Missus
You're telling me! The last time I thought I'd won an argument with her I woke up the next day with my testicles stapled to my face. Then of course I immediately shat myself.

(07-06-2014 09:23 AM)LZA Wrote:  Left the toilet seat up again, eh?

No. She glued the toilet seat down with epoxy adhesive years ago. I generally just tend to shit in my pants.
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07-06-2014, 08:46 PM
Post: #6
RE: Dispute with the Missus
I don't want to aidz up this thread too much but I think you have a sphincter problem

consistency is the hobdob
of small minds[
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07-07-2014, 02:30 PM
Post: #7
RE: Dispute with the Missus
The best way to end a big fight with the wife is by having great sex.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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07-07-2014, 09:50 PM
Post: #8
RE: Dispute with the Missus
This is true. Seminal fluid has natural antidepressants in it. The vaginal mucosa absorbs these anti-depressive compounds and delivers them to the bloodstream where they have a calming effect upon the body. The next time she gets out of control, just pin her to the floor and give her an injection. Wink

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