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    Britain is well prepared to fight apocalyptic zombie invasion
    #1
    Britain is well prepared to fight apocalyptic zombie invasion

    A zombie invasion is a problem that may seem to belong in a horror film rather than to real life, but, none the less, the British government believes it has worked out the best way to cope with one.

    [Image: cv63_zpsdfea9781.jpg]
    The Cabinet Office would lead Britain's response to a zombie apocalypse, according to an official response to a Freedom of Information request

    26th December, 2012

    In the event of an apocalypse brought about by an army of the undead, civil servants would co-ordinate the military's efforts to "return England to its pre-attack glory", according to a Freedom of Information request that has revealed the country's contingency plans.

    The MoD would not lead efforts to plan for such a zombie attack or deal with the aftermath because that role rests with the Cabinet Office, which co-ordinates emergency planning for the Government.

    Details about the authorities' surprising level of readiness for a zombie onslaught emerged in a response to an inquiry from a member of the public.

    The MoD replied: "In the event of an apocalyptic incident (eg zombies), any plans to rebuild and return England to its pre-attack glory would be led by the Cabinet Office, and thus any pre-planning activity would also taken place there. "The Ministry of Defence's role in any such event would be to provide military support to the civil authorities, not take the lead. Consequently, the Ministry of Defence holds no information on this matter."

    The Army is frequently called on to save the day in zombie films. Soldiers arrive in the nick of time, for example, to rescue the hero at the climax of Simon Pegg's 2004 comedy Shaun of the Dead.

    This is not the first time that public authorities have provided tongue-in-cheek responses to Freedom of Information inquiries about zombies.
    Last year, Leicester city council was forced to admit that it had no specific preparations for dealing with a zombie invasion, although the local authority stressed that certain aspects of its emergency plan would apply to any disaster. Bristol city council went rather further when asked what it would do in the event of an undead rampage through the West Country. A senior official replied with a copy of a "top secret" internal strategy document setting out how the council would respond to a "zombie pandemic".

    Staff were told to listen out for code words in radio and television broadcasts to warn them that an attack was under way, and given health and safety advice on the correct way to kill zombies.

    Under the heading "procurement implications", the memo said Bristol city council had ordered suitable equipment for tackling the undead, "where possible, in line with our buy-local policy". It added: "A catalogue of standard issue equipment – cuffs, stun guns, protection suits, etc – is available on the staff intranet."

    However, critics have accused people who make Freedom of Information requests about subjects such as zombies, wizards and vampires, of being time-wasters who are costing the taxpayer money. Some fear that trivial uses of the recently won right to ask public bodies to release information they hold will give politicians an excuse to scale back the powers, which were introduced in full only as late as 2005.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9721072/Britain-is-well-prepared-to-fight-apocalyptic-zombie-invasion.html
    ____________________________________________________________

    So, this boils down to a fight, the cabinet office Vs the Ministry of Defence (MoD), which means everyone in Britain is screwed in the event of a zombie invasion. I'm slightly surprised that the MoD would only provide a supporting role to the civilian authorities, rather than take the lead. This is not good. Who in Britain trusts any cabinet minister to come up with solutions to a potential zombie problem?

    When i picture cabinet ministers, i think of old codgers from the old-boys network having sex with horses while trying not to choke on the orange stuffed into their mouth, which by the way, would go on their next expenses claim form (by then, the cost of the orange will have increased to about £300), and with the holes in the defence budget and the issue of bullet-magnet vehicles for UK troops, the MoD doesn't exactly have my trust either. The whole thing would be a bureaucratic nightmare and by the time whoever's in charge decides something must be done about the undead, half of Blighty would be gone.

    Maybe it's time to look at a civilian resistance force against zombies, by the people, for the people, because we know if the shit does hit the fan, us ordinary folk will be quickly forgotten about. So, this has got me wondering. Do you have a contingency plan where you live, to deal with a zombie apocalypse? What would you personally do in the event of a zombie invasion?
    Reply
    #2
    without guns? good luck.

    "Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
    Reply
    #3
    plenty of wooden stakes

    consistency is the hobdob
    of small minds[
    Reply
    #4
    Yeah, without guns we're at a disadvantage, and i'm sure the black market would rake it in during a zombie apocalypse, but for those of us who can't get hold of a gun i'm sure people would resort to making their own weapons even if they turn out to be completely useless at stopping the undead. Aren't stakes used to kill vampires? There's bound to be one or two to try this method before having their faces eaten off. Without some serious firepower though, Brits are going to have to get real creative if they want to survive a zombie invasion.
    Reply
    #5
    the issue with zombies is that you would need to disable the nervous system... gun's are really efficient at that since they can be used from a distance and help maintain a buffer zone. with hand to hand combat and other close range weapons, you run the risk of being overwhelmed... and manual weapons cause fatigue very quickly. but, the other real main issue is if the people have the will to survive as passive societies that rely on the authorities for protection seem to like to just barricade themselves in doors and wait for help.

    fight or flight... i'm guessing at the first sight of zombies, your government will abandon you... one of them already has a moat.

    true story.

    "Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
    Reply
    #6
    what would you have a government for if not at least stop people killing off each other,this is a utopia i must admit ,since "governments"do by far most of the killing.......we've been invaded by zombies long ago it seems


    consistency is the hobdob
    of small minds[
    Reply
    #7
    (12-27-2012, 05:34 AM)srijantje Wrote:  what would you have a government for if not at least stop people killing off each other,this is a utopia i must admit ,since "governments"do by far most of the killing.......we've been invaded by zombies long ago it seems

    i have absolutely no idea what that means.

    "Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
    Reply
    #8
    i mean that a government should be there to regulate a few things for the population,like providing good education for everybody,free health system,waste disposal,looking after old people and in general try to keep us out of trouble with our neighbors,instead we have a bunch of slick talking zombies who are eating the population every chance they get

    consistency is the hobdob
    of small minds[
    Reply
    #9
    Lol, i forgot about the moat guy. Maybe he's onto something and isn't telling. As for the government abandoning the population, i fully expect them to do that and anyone who waits passively for help from anyone is doomed from the start. Although guns would be my personal first choice to eliminate zombies, there are other ways to kill them. Chainsaw, crowbar to head, wood-chipper, run them over, and light them on fire, (after pouring lots of petrol on the head area), but in all cases the goal is to completely pulverise the brain so they don't get back up and eat you.
    Reply
    #10
    right... but the majority of those methods provide no buffer zone... remember resident evil 1? zombies are easily managed and dispatched from a distance. at close range, you are easily swarmed.

    the fire is a mistake since walking fire zombies can be worse than regular zombies.

    cars have air bags which can go off with a hard enough impact.

    "Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
    Reply





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