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As Screamed On TV
#1
The audio for television commercials has generally been compressed more than once in the process of leveling out noise. This increases the volume of the commercial compared to normal programming. On top of this, stations generally boost the audio levels of commercials even more when they are played.

So commercials are already loud. If you're watching one of those movies where in one scene two lovers are tenderly whispering to each other and the next a horseman gallops into the fray, when it goes to commercial it can give you a heart attack.

So with all that volume available, why does the TV commercial spokesman guy always have to fucking yell? Dodgy

The late Billy Mays

[Image: BillyMays-trimmed1.jpg]]

wtf is he yelling about? He is selling shit that no one wants and yelling at us because no one is buying.

Offer "Vince" Shlomi
(Shamwow guy)

[Image: 090830-shamwow-dud-as-pitchman.jpg?w=292&h=300]

Why do you have a headset on? We are right here listening. You are not calling us one at a time or on some worldwide party line. We can hear you just fine because you are basically screaming every word.

You don't have to yell shit,
to sell shit.


[Image: bob_art_160_20080827152934.jpg]

That's what a lot of guys did. They took it from Bob, the always chipper, always charming spokesperson and founder for Enzyte an alternative male sexual performance enhancement drug. He never yelled in any of the commercials. In fact he never spoke a word and still managed to bilk $100 million out of his completely worthless drug.

[Image: 090830-shamwow-hooker2.jpg?w=300&h=227][Image: 090830-shamwow-booking-photo.jpg?w=300&h=189]

The Shamwow is alright. You could've sold it without the yelling. See where the yelling gets you?

He gets caught with cocaine, a bloody hooker (and I'm not being Brit-esque, I mean she was covered in blood) and apparently wasn't charged with anything. They let him go just so he would stop fucking yelling.

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#2
Very interesting. A blast from the past. I do remember those faces.
But I don't watch TV commercials any more.
I stopped watching them around 10 years ago, when I got my first PVR.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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#3
they (the man) just passed a new law that will regulate the audio level of commercial broadcasts... which they wouldn't have needed to do had they not deregulated the audio level of broadcasts a few decades ago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commercial_...gation_Act

but, it seems to only apply to commercials.
"Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
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#4
That shamwow guy looks like a skinnier creepy version of Johnny Knoxville minus the fun... love the deflated derp face of the hooker in the 2nd pic.

I'm with velvetfog on ads, haven't watched them for nearly 20 years, and simply mute them. I've noticed that some sky channels decrease the volume in a programme about 20 seconds before the ads are due, so naturally you turn the volume up only to receive a severe ear fucking by some fat narcissistic retard screaming special offers at you while wearing a man dress from the 1600s.

In fact. there's always something to distract the viewer from the presenters stupidity, whether it's a man dress, a giant rubber duck, or audience members wearing grotesque jumpers. Not so with Billy Mays.. the beard and double thumbs-up. Seems legit to me.
"everyone wants to win but no one wants to drink a bucket of sj's piss" - bob5695
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#5
I would love nothing more than to taze those yelling fucktards right in their junk. Shut the hell up!!!!! Clearly being loud and obnoxious will not get me to buy anything. it will however make me wish i was deaf.

i have an awesome tv with this setting that automatically keeps the volume level the same consistently. i forget what the feature is called but its amazing. and i have been muting commercials for years!!! in fact the only ones I've listened to were during the Super Bowl this year. problem with that is i hate watching tv with ppl that won't mute them. ugh!!!!
RC IS THE SICKNESS THAT MAKES MY MIND GO ROUND-BUNNY
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#6
The maximum audio broadcast level of radio and TV stations has always been regulated.
You can't go any higher than 100% modulation.
But normal program content has a dynamic range of around 30 db.
The ad agencies will process the audio on a commercial through a compressor, reducing the dynamic range to less than 10 db.
That gives the commercial audio a lot more oomph, since it makes its average sound level very much higher.
It is this audio compression practice that needs to be curtailed.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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#7
Yeah vf's got the right idea. The volume isn't really 'higher' it is just louder because the ridiculous amount of compression they apply (multiple times in some cases) levels the sound out so there are very few spikes-- then the signal's overall strength throughout the recording can be normalized to a higher level.

All the while some dickmuffin in a headset its wringing out a towel and blathering on like a drunken sissy about how amazed I am going to be.

I will be amazed when you shut the fuck up.
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#8
those guys make millions off of acting like dickbags on tv... why would they shut up?
"Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
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#9
Well in the first case, he died. In the second, he apparently gave head to a woman on the rag-- so he definitely needs to shut up. And in the case of Enzyte Bob, he was always a quiet dude so he can stay shutting the fuck up while he is getting the 'thumbs up' in jail.
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#10
giving head to a woman? how quaint.

btw... the shamwow really is an awesome product. i was using a sheep skin sham to dry off my car before... but the shamwow just does it so much quicker. works great in the kitchen too.
"Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
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