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    Annoying friend
    #1
    So in my high school, there's this one kid who I'm friends with. I like him OK, but (and I have never in my life said this to anyone else) he really, really bugs me. A lot.

    He's nice enough, but he has absolutely no sense of personal space, his breath smells horrible, and he never...ever...ever...EVER shuts up about Pokémon, One Piece, or Naruto. I know absolutely nothing about the latter two, and I've told him so repeatedly, but he never understands. So when he walks up to me in the cafeteria line and starts ranting about this thing or that thing happening in the latest volume/episode/whatever of One Piece/Naruto, all I can do is smile and nod. I understand when he talks about Pokémon, because I like it as much as he does, but even that grates on my nerves when he can't stop talking about it for five seconds. And he has a tendency to talk really loudly and quickly and he has an annoying laugh, which doesn't help.

    I seriously don't think I've ever heard him talk about anything else, aside from his overbearing, possessive, insanely jealous girlfriend, who I despise (she kicked me out of the cafeteria table we used to sit at...long story).

    When he hangs out with our group of mutual friends, he seems to just exist in his own little space. He'll go on and on about his favorite animes/mangas even if nobody's listening, even if everyone else is talking about something completely different. You can't really hold a coherent conversation with him even if you do know what he's talking about, because he just goes on and on and on, so talking to him mostly just consists of nodding, smiling and occasionally going "Uh-uh", "Yeah", or "I know", which he seems to be satisfied with.

    I'm sorry. I just had to put it out there somewhere.
    Reply
    #2
    (11-06-2015, 09:17 PM)Snowsky Wrote:  I'm sorry. I just had to put it out there somewhere.

    Don't be, it's a rant forum after all Wink

    Anyway, I normally just avoid people who get too close for my comfort.

    Hearing him out, isn't that what girlfriend is supposed to do? Since she seems to want to spend extra time with him Smile

    The mad Wolf rages on.
    [Image: wolf_sketch_persona___header_by_christohpera.jpg]
    Reply
    #3
    (11-07-2015, 05:44 AM)wolfis Wrote:  
    (11-06-2015, 09:17 PM)Snowsky Wrote:  I'm sorry. I just had to put it out there somewhere.

    Don't be, it's a rant forum after all Wink

    Anyway, I normally just avoid people who get too close for my comfort.

    Hearing him out, isn't that what girlfriend is supposed to do? Since she seems to want to spend extra time with him Smile

    Yeah, I guess that is what a girlfriend is supposed to do. She's a special case, though - she's not just clingy, she's the kind of person who just cannot seem to help being rude and unpleasant.

    She whines a lot about stupid stuff (mom not buying her a car even though she's not old enough to drive, things like that) and expects everyone to sympathize, is extremely rude to people she suspects of making goo-goo eyes at her boyfriend, calls everyone she doesn't like a bitch/cunt/ho/slut, that kind of thing. And she would always act like she was the victim in these situations (her line of logic was "I have the most problems out of anyone I know, therefore it's not my fault when I do/say something wrong, and everyone should perfectly understand me, feel sorry for me, and bend over backwards to make me happy").

    It got so bad last year that everyone at our lunch table (except for her boyfriend) eventually moved away or was kicked out and found somewhere else to sit. First it was a girl she was fighting with, then it was a boy who has a reputation for being a ladies' man, then it was me (because she thought I was interested in her boyfriend...no, honey, he's nice and all but I prefer boys who know how to brush their teeth), then it was her close female friend.

    Her reputation spread to people who didn't know her, too. My new lunch buddies got to talking about her one day, and everyone agreed that they hated her. One boy even said that he wouldn't care if she died.

    I guess she eventually got tired of being the most despised person in high school, because she kinda-sorta tried to make amends. I say "tried", because while she apologized to me for being a bitch, she also lied to my new boyfriend (Mr. Ladies' Man mentioned above) that I wanted to break up with him. I didn't really care, because his three(!) ex-girlfriends sat me down and told me stories about how he cheated on all of them at the same time and I realized he was a player, but it was still a pretty shitty thing to do. So I didn't bother to chew her out for it, I just stopped talking to her altogether. (Now that I think about it, she might actually have been trying to spare me heartbreak by ending my relationship with Mr. Ladies' Man before I could get attached to him and then find out he was cheating, but even if that was her intention, I do not appreciate how she handled it.)

    Just a few weeks ago, she approached me in the lunch line and tried to talk to me. It went like this:

    Her: "I like your case [referring to the Frozen-themed case I use to store my Nintendo 3DS]."
    Me, because I still don't like her and don't trust myself to not say something rude: "..."
    Her: (defensively) "I'm just trying to be nice!"

    See, while she's at least making a token effort to be less unpleasant, it's like she expects people to immediately swoon at her feet and beg to be her BFFs when she makes a single apologetic/conciliatory gesture. Honey, it doesn't work that way. You can't change people's perception of you overnight if the side of you that you want to change is the only side of you that they've ever seen.

    You know yourself in and out, but they don't. If you've only ever been a bitch to them, then that's how they're going to see you. Changing how people see you takes time and effort, it can't be done in a day. And if some people don't want to change how they see you, then you can't force them to like you. All you can do is try, be patient, and wait.

    And if she really is trying to fix her reputation, I don't think she's doing a very good job anyway, because last week, I overheard her screaming at Mr. Ladies' Man in the school library, loud enough that I could hear her over the voices of about a hundred people talking at once. All I heard was, "YOU MESS WITH MY FRIENDS, YOU MESS WITH ME!" (My first thought: "She has friends?")
    (This post was last modified: 11-08-2015, 08:04 PM by Snowsky.)
    Reply
    #4
    There's two things in this equation then - the guy who has bad oral hygiene, and his girlfriend.
    The former, seems like distancing away from would probably serve as some comfort.
    The latter...I guess you can consider her as an acquaintance until you feel comfortable around her and stuff.
    I'm pretty shod at socialising and all, but generally if people I don't feel too comfortable around with, I'll just consider them as acquaintances, hence I limit the amount of 'exchange' I have with them.

    The mad Wolf rages on.
    [Image: wolf_sketch_persona___header_by_christohpera.jpg]
    Reply
    #5
    (11-08-2015, 09:51 PM)wolfis Wrote:  There's two things in this equation then - the guy who has bad oral hygiene, and his girlfriend.
    The former, seems like distancing away from would probably serve as some comfort.
    The latter...I guess you can consider her as an acquaintance until you feel comfortable around her and stuff.
    I'm pretty shod at socialising and all, but generally if people I don't feel too comfortable around with, I'll just consider them as acquaintances, hence I limit the amount of 'exchange' I have with them.

    Agree. 2 people with issues. The guy seems to be an honest to goodness nerd (not a nerd but you know what I mean).. good heart but no social skills what so ever. You want to give these people like this a chance, thinking maybe he doesn't know anything else to talk about, and the way he doesn't catch your (and your friends clues about being boring) only proves my point about his lack of skills... I bet even if you DID know about all of the topics he likes, you still wouldn't get a word in edgewise.

    It's good that you still treat him as a friend, my the advise I give everyone here is you have to take care of yourself. If you like this person, and can take his BS , ignore it. However, it sounds like your way past that point. How is his social status in high school. Reason I ask is I was one of the biggest weirdos/nerds (some will say I still am), but my friends were in the most popular cliques in school... When I'd talk about nerd shit or, immature stuff (I was late to mature), they'd simply tell to STFU..."Can't you talk about something else"...I'd talk about either rap music (I'm white and my friends are white and didn't care about it), OR, the bomb ass Commodore 64...They were busy going out, getting laid and drinking...

    maybe a good STFU is in store... Or tell him... I'm not sure how else to handle it... Aside from leaving him, which would be sad if the relationship can be salvaged..

    As far as the bitch... Maybe she does have problems, but she really needs to be set straight..A different thing you can talk to your male friend is why is she such a bitch, have him help her to be not such a bitch... Or tell him to leave her... The best time to confront her is when she is in bitch mode yelling, then just respond with a blast of rage (and you don't have to be maad) when I was a sup and someone was doing something wrong, I'd catch them in the act then yell (or act angrily), but not be angry..The point of this is to show the emotion... Some people who don't understand logic, understand emotion...

    It sounds like they both are trying to fit in, but are not doing it successfully... All I know is if she was girlfriend, and she kicked my friends out of the table, there would be a god dammed uproar... They laugh at her and tell her to fuck off, then beat me up for having a girl so stupid...HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

    I wish you nothing but luck. Do what you can, but take care of yourself... Don't bang your head... Maybe your leaving them would make them question why, and make them change their ways... Wishful thinking but you never really know!!!

    Chris
    Reply
    #6
    Thanks for the advice and well wishes, Wolfis and Chris. I really appreciate it. Smile

    Mr. No Social Skills usually makes lame excuses for his girlfriend whenever someone gets annoyed with her, like "that's just the way she is" or "she's having problems at home". Many of our mutual friends have tried to get him to dump her, but he won't hear a word of it. Actually, maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't dump her, because if he did, he would be #1 on her shit-list, which is the last place anyone in our school wants to be.

    Our school is the "nice" kind of school where there's really no popularity tiers; everyone says hi to everyone, people hang out with their own circle of friends, and how popular you are isn't determined by the brands you wear or the clubs you're in. If you're really mean, like Ms. Bitchface, you'll get a bad rep, but if you're a pleasant person or at least fun to hang out with, you'll fit in. Mr. No Social Skills is a nice guy, so he sometimes hangs out with my circle of friends, who admittedly have a collective reputation for being loud weirdos (albeit loud weirdos with social skills who can function outside of our group). Cast list:

    - Short girl who wears a Rainbow Dash hat/scarf/thing, loves to give people the finger and scream about how she's going to kill everyone (but nobody takes her seriously because she's too tiny and cute, and she does have a softer side)
    - Girl who has declared herself to be a pterodactyl troll monkey (screeee!)
    - Three/four (varies) snarky guys
    - Me, who destroys everyone's childhoods on a regular basis by making us watch Robot Chicken skits
    - Slightly more sane girl who goes, "How did I end up hanging out with you guys?" but enjoys our antics anyway, watches Robot Chicken and Studio C with me in wood shop class when we have nothing to do
    - Only sane guy blessed with never-ending patience for our madness
    - Mr. No Social Skills, who we're cool with because he's not much of a bother and does his own thing

    I've pretty much stopped hanging around both of them regularly, and only see Mr. No Social Skills when he comes to to hang with us at the library during lunch. I don't pay attention to Ms. Bitchface anymore. Last year, I tried to sit at the lunch table with her as long as I could just to spite her and show her that she didn't scare me, but I realized it was pointless and left because all we did was make each other miserable (at least, she was making me miserable, I think she's always miserable).

    I don't think threatening her would be a good idea, because I've heard that she can get violent when she's mad. I've never actually seen her hit someone, but I wouldn't put it past her, because she once threatened to give me a black eye. I did try confronting her once, on the last day I was sitting at her table, but it didn't really do anything because I'm not used to chewing people out. I think it went something like this:

    Her: "Stop that!" (referring to me rolling my eyes at her whining about something stupid)
    Me: "What?"
    Her: "If you can't stop being a bitch, you have to leave." (which is ridiculous, because every day I was there, I did nothing but sit through her bitch-fits in silence, I'd just had enough that particular day)
    Me: "Are you kidding? You're a bitch every day! You - you hate everyone!"
    Her: "Everyone treats me like garbage."
    Me: "Don't treat other people like garbage, then."
    Her: "Leave."
    Me: "No, you leave."
    Her: "I was here first." (which is also a lie, I came to our table first, then Mr. No Social Skills, then her)
    Mr. No Social Skills: (arrives) "Sorry about her."
    (This post was last modified: 11-13-2015, 09:11 PM by Snowsky.)
    Reply
    #7
    (11-13-2015, 08:03 PM)Snowsky Wrote:  Many of our mutual friends have tried to get him to dump her, but he won't hear a word of it.

    good... because it's none of their fucking business.

    as for your post, if you don't like him, kick him to the curb. that's life. not all baggage at the airport is lost... a lot of it is just left behind and we consider it to be a good thing so long as it doesn't explode.

    as for his interests; ever consider that maybe he's talking to you about one piece and nauruto shippuden as a way of helping you develop as a person?

    pokemon? are you fucking kidding me? do you have a pog collection too?

    the story lines in one piece and the naruto series are so fucking epic... unlike pokemon where the main story is that good triumphs over evil although evil as a concept is speculative at best since the animals are locked into little balls and forced to fight other animals... and brainwashed into liking it. you know what other group of people used similar methods of control? white colonial slavers.

    in one piece and naruto, the moral significance is conceptualized realistically as levels of compromise while the difference between good and evil are purely based on one's personal perspective.

    no, no my friend. i think he understands all too well and you just happen to be lost in your own world and don't notice.

    don't care for his oral hygiene? his girlfriend doesn't seem to mind.

    yeah, i think the real issue here is you.

    maybe you should just stick to pokemon for now...

    "Yeah. I understand the mechanics of it, shithead. I just don't understand how this is any less retarded than what I'm suggesting." - Kiley; Housebound.
    Reply
    #8
    I wish you luck... Sounds like the Mr. no social skills guy is a salvageable task, provided if you desire to put the needed work in, but she's off the Richter scale as far as reasoning goes. It's too bad. I like to say I have hope for everyone, and I have hope for her too, but by the time reality/society makes her see the err of her ways, high school will be long over.
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