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An Upsetting Lack Of Connection
08-13-2015, 01:39 AM
Post: #1
An Upsetting Lack Of Connection
So I am in a predicament and I want to just know if I'm doing the right thing.

My girlfriend of about 8 months is such a sweet person. She's kind, incredibly intelligent, and we share an interest in video games (I'm a PC gamer and she loves Nintendo, so we aren't totally in sync with it, but we both appreciate the other's passion for them). I knew her for about a year before we started dating, and we learned to be good friends. And here in-lies the problem.

While it is wonderful to be friendly with your significant other, over 8 months, we have made almost no progress as an actual couple. We have had maybe three dates total in our entire time being together (though the past 5 months or so we have not had any time alone together at all), and while these few dates have been mellow and pleasant and we do frequently see each other, she has this very conservative way of acting. She isn't fond of showing affection in public, and it's been getting to me how she is so shy of it. We don't act like a couple in public, and we almost never get to be in private were we CAN actually act like a couple. On top of all this, she isn't one to text or carry out any sort of long conversation unless it's in person. She says it's not me because she was this way with her first boyfriend too and he broke it off with her because of it (I'm her second boyfriend).

She attributes this to her being very shy and kinda antisocial, and our absence of time together recently is blamed on the fact that throughout the past few months, she has been hopping around vacationing with her family and has been intensely busy. I can't blame her for being shy, its just how she is and there is no reason to get mad at it. But it has been getting to me how over the past 3 months, not one day was free for her to take me up on the date I have been asking her multiple times for. A lot of my family is saying that "If she wanted to be with you, she would make the time." While that is partly true, they don't understand that she has no real control over what she has to do everyday. On the other hand, there have to have been at least a few free days where she could have called me up and gone out with me, but she just didn't.

She texted me out of the blue a few days ago, saying sorry about how busy she has been, and I took the opportunity to tell her that we will need to talk about our whole relationship next time we go on a date. The talk will happen after the date so we can see if we still connect. Then from there we will decide together if we want to continue the relationship, as it is not my decision to make alone because it involves both of us. Aside from the nerves of just the whole conversation possibly leading to us breaking up, I'm just really getting skeptical of if it's going to work out the more i think about it. I believe I'm doing the right thing here, but I have to wait for her to find out if and when we can go on another date to discuss all this. The waiting is killing me.

I'm sorry for the freakin essay there. Any advice about what to do/if I am doing the right thing would be very appreciated.[/font]
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08-13-2015, 03:01 PM (This post was last modified: 08-13-2015 03:04 PM by LZA.)
Post: #2
RE: An Upsetting Lack Of Connection
It sounds like she may still be immature since you are her 2nd boyfriend...Who knows, maybe she just isn't ready for relationships yet... Sounds like you guys are cool friends, but not much more.

Since it seems to bother you that much, and she is so hard to get a hold of, I wouldn't wait for your next date (that may not happen soon). I'd call her and talk over the phone, or even text her...I KNOW that sounds vacant, but it seems you're bothered and she is non-nonchalant, so you need to get it off your chest with her. I agree with your family, if she wanted to, she would make the time to at least call to say sorry or that "she'll make it up to you." Something like that...


If she doesn't respond, then you start ignoring her (treat her like she's treated you). Find someone else or go play video games... Whatever. Sounds like you guys are young still and it is too early in life to worry about dumb shit like this.

JMHO...

<snip>

sporkium 08-14-2015 12:55 AM

you can whore for attention in your own threads... in the pit. /mod

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08-14-2015, 01:52 AM
Post: #3
RE: An Upsetting Lack Of Connection
(08-13-2015 03:01 PM)LZA Wrote:  It sounds like she may still be immature since you are her 2nd boyfriend...Who knows, maybe she just isn't ready for relationships yet... Sounds like you guys are cool friends, but not much more.

Since it seems to bother you that much, and she is so hard to get a hold of, I wouldn't wait for your next date (that may not happen soon). I'd call her and talk over the phone, or even text her...I KNOW that sounds vacant, but it seems you're bothered and she is non-nonchalant, so you need to get it off your chest with her. I agree with your family, if she wanted to, she would make the time to at least call to say sorry or that "she'll make it up to you." Something like that...


If she doesn't respond, then you start ignoring her (treat her like she's treated you). Find someone else or go play video games... Whatever. Sounds like you guys are young still and it is too early in life to worry about dumb shit like this.

JMHO...

<snip>
I agree with you on that, but currently we are trying to set up a date. She needs to check with her parents when would be a good time, but it sounds like its almost a week or so away at least. I'm gonna take her on this date, then her and I will talk, but if she CAN'T go on this date within... say the next month, then I don't think it's worth waiting for and I will have to find a more convnient way to talk with her about it, no matter how direct or vacant it may seem. Text if it really comes down to that; that's worst case scenario.
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08-17-2015, 03:43 PM
Post: #4
RE: An Upsetting Lack Of Connection
Maybe I missed the parents part...Ya, if you guys are still that young, I'd chalk the failures up to parent interference... Whether they like you or not, she is still under their house, thus their rule...

If you were at least in your mid 20's.. .Id say you can do what you wanted , but now...In this circumstance.

Find out how much of a role that the parents are playing... No sense ditching a person you like (or dig, if we were living in the 70's) if she has nothing really to do with it.

Let us know how you make out.
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