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A history of future beginnings.
#1
Everybody Poops




Here is the random thought for today: Freedom is such an evil thing when you think about it. Like a heroin addict will continue to seek the high of his dreams, so will those seeking freedom. True freedom ,like what people dream about ,isn't for someone to give or help you get. It's a mindset, it's either you would rather die than submit, or you would rather submit than fight. I can only speak for American Society, but with the loss of freedoms for enhanced security and the public not sure about how to do anything but get fucked it feels like game over. It's like one time I looked up to see a Truck about to slam into my side of the car. I didn't feel fear, I just watched.




I have to rant sometimes, but even on a ranting website I feel ridiculous. I typed for like 3 hours and ended up deleting it. Not a waste of time though, just something I could have done in a journal.

I dwell on the state of humanity in general a lot. And I feel that even with all of our advances in science, we are worse off in a way that's hard to convey to others without sounding stupid and/ crazy. I am a loner by choice because I let too many people in my life and trust was crushed. So I wait for people that deserve good things instead of the abuse they may be getting. Because when they realize that there is at least one person in the world that doesn't suck, it helps them not want to die. And that helps me feel the same way certainly. When you give up and begin to fake your smiles you need something to believe in. A long time ago I was in such a state but I was stuck in a prison. So I helped myself find a reason to face the people I know and just keep truckin'.

After awhile being home I started noticing that I was a lot more observant and much more of an asshole because of it. Well things went from bad to less bad but still affected my fragile mind. And then suddenly went straight to worst as I died of an overdose from my first heroin experience. Well I woke up and while my teeth chattered uncontrollably I realized what had happened and all I thought was, "Here we go again."

So naturally I lost a great deal of self respect and confidence. But I believe things happen for a reason and that kept me from dwelling. A good outcome is my new aversion towards that drug in particular. There are many more stupid things I did in the name of science, but it goes without saying that eventually you need to get smart. I recommend to get smart before you start running narcotics and such for people, but after something particularly painful happens.


Having a code of ethics that guides your behavior is very important as well, otherwise you are easy to manipulate. Like someone once said, "Man needs to believe in something, or he will fall for anything.

But this was my recipe for eternal happiness and acceptance. Won't help anyone else. I may have completely wrecked all the opportunities I was fighting for while I was a Marine because I needed to know things about reality that are hard to understand without experience. I love who I became, but I'm still waiting for my purpose.

I think this belong in the lifestyle section, goofed again damnit.
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